Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
Winter Workshop 2008
Winter Workshop 2008
Nor Cal - San Leandro
December 26th - 30th
Jenny's Journal Entries: Typed
[Day 1] Friday, December 26th
While I was preparing for the workshop (packing, shower, laundry) the Macfarlanes stopped by on their way to church!!! I hadn't seen Haewon in like a whole year, and Mika in longer!!! So happy to see them... we exchanged presents and I got exactly what I wanted: A SOCCER BALL! <3 And super pretty pajama pants omo!!! <3333 THANK YOU HAEWON I LOVE THEM A LOT LOT *hugs you*
Justin drove us to church, and okaaayy he had to park in the center of like ten brothers playing sports who all looked at us and I was like trying to disappear. They were all like "Heey Justin a mercedes!!!" lol...
Everyone I missed so much is here!!!!!
Winna, Harumi, Megumi, Dorothy, Mi Sook, Haewon, Mika, Yoshie, Yoko... omg I was so happy!!! People from CP, and just BCs I haven't seen in a long time. For an hour we hung out, laughed, played cards, talked...
Usually my parents drop me off and then I almost CRY when they leave. This time we drove ourselves, practically without saying goodbye lol ^^; This is my last winter workshop being a participant!!!!
Orientation at 5:30 Dave, Kwanchai and Deanne are so funny!!! <33333 We opened our "Top Secret" envelopes and had to find our leaders; my group!
Group 14:
Shannon, Rebecca, Dorothy (18 already omo!!), Jeungli, Yara, Yoko, Yoshie, Anjie and me yay! WE'RE ALL GIRLS I'M SO HAPPY <3
Made bracelets with our group's colors (green, pink and er, pink), eat spaghetti. Shannon really misses CP too! Me too yeah... a lot...
Omg Eric Ross is our workshop guitarist! :D
We played this group reindeer thing, and we had to:
1) decorate paper christmas tree
2) eat pretzels (without hands) and carrots *blurgghh*
3) wrap presents
4) sing and dance to the Rudolph song <--the most embarrassing I was bright red ><;
5) make a snowman (out of toilet paper and Jeungli ^^;)
6) RACE OMG IT WAS THE BEST PART. Drag this stuffed animal in a makeshift paper sled down the hall, screaming and crashing into the opposing team LOL We made a new record!!!!!! XD
7) throw and catch balls with garbage bags (we failed xp)
The workshop motto is "Let Your Divine Character Shine." The word "shine" has been being used a lot it seems these days, and I really like the word! ^^; Shine... SHINee <-- the k-pop boyband. Shine <-- TVXQ song... Rev. Cotter's words: We were great in '08, and we're gonna shine in '09!" XD
I love singing songs together.
We had like an hour of journal and sharing about negative/positive things of the year. I loved having time to write in my journal! And with EVERYONE! :D I shared about CP. But compared to everyone else, my struggles are... nothing. Absolutely nothing. I have no idea how much all other BCs go through, in public high school since I homeschooled since middle school. I don't know how hard it is. Sometimes I want to go to school just to see, but I think I'd like... die maybe. So... I feel so afraid for all BCs who go to public schools... who live far away and I can't do anything for them...
Once, in Cheongpyeong last summer, I fell asleep writing my journal lying on my sleeping bag and I remember half waking up and seeing Christelle-onni move my notebook and pen from under my face and putting them by my bed... randomly, I remembered that. Maybe because the same feeling of love and caring is in this workshop as CP...
I really want to be myself. I already know I'm louder, freer than usual. I know!! OMO!! Laughing out loud (I never did that in public) screaming (during the reindeer race haha), singing without being embarrassed, not being silent haha XD YESH!!!!!!
[Day 2] Saturday, December 27th
Slept horrible! Woke up every time I moved cuz I was worried. But I have this awesome determination haha... thanks to CP...
Gina-onni and I fixed our hair in front of the WINDOW as a mirror lolllll.... She likes Big Bang over TVXQ, but likes Junsu-oppa but since Wrong Number perf with the pinstripe suits and Yunho-oppa sitting on the two dancers knees, she might have to think that over she said ^^; Junsu-oppa is really dumb she said haha, I know, from that Friends show! But I thought it was just cute. And hilarious lol...
Shannon gave Morning Service!!! (This is what my lecture notes look like...)
Morning Service:
Weapon of choice - Friendship
- True Friendship = one true friend is all you need, over 100 friends. Friends are like diamonds/gems. They're rare and precious.
- God works through people. Friends are people. We're dense sometimes (all the time for me -___-;)
Exercises: >_____________________<;;;; Like... marine bootcamp!? @w@;
Hoon Dok He: Reputation / Character.
Reputation is how rich or poor you are. Character is how happy or miserable you are
Dude, Eric is good at guitar. And singing O_o; His own style...
Breakfast OMG I LOVE MIKA AND HAEWON SO MUCH~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <333333333333
During singing together, I always follow Ares-oppa's clapping because... uh because sometimes I can't tell when to clap lol? Which beat is better to clap on? RANDOMLY yes, I follow his clapping because he sits in the row in front of us ^^;
Gosh my eyesight is really bad these days. Getting worse? I can't tell who people are if they aren't ten feet away. Sometimes. But I don't wanna wear my glasses.
I miss playing piano already.
Sang on the stage with the song team OMO SO FUN!!!!! Like Cheongpyeong!!!! <3
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Rev. Thompson's presentation:
He dropped his cell in the toilet. Renee knwe the 1st sentence of the DP omg!!
"Everyone is struggling to attain happiness & avoid misfortune." Avoid is mistranslated. It should be OVERCOME. Rev. Thompson said our parents wouldn't know that, but when we asked them, they said they knew. Even my little sister knew O_o;
God WANTS us to be hit with struggles, and then overcome them. And He wants to help us through them. If we didn't have struggles and challenges, we would never grow.
A Father's Santa Claus Cycles:
1) He believes in Santa
2) He doesn't believe in Santa
3) He plays Santa
4) He looks like Santa LOL XD
If God Wants us to believe in Him, why doesn't he just show himself?
The moon is 240,000 miles away. The sun is 93,000,000 miles away. If it was any closer, we'd fry up. If it was any farther, we'd freexe O_o; God is so awesome.
GOD = General Organized Director
Shiny nose = Rich fortune
Small ears = Sensitive nature
Deep wrinkles = Traumatic past
The face is divided into three sections, each of which show the past, present and future of a person's life.
Incorporate a prayer into your daily routine/habits. Every day. Change your life. Just read something, someone else's prayer even. St. Francis, Jesus...
If you want power, you plug an appliance into an outlet. If you want power, plug into God. Make a connection. Consistent, Every day, simple. God would be so happy.
Rev. Thompson is not asking us to do 90 minutes of HDH at 5am. Just ONE MINUTE A DAY.
If God is with you, you can overcome anything. Happily
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Haewon went up with me to sing on stage <3
Singing on stage is the best. Especially because I can't play piano on the song team like in Korea. Cuz here, guitar is the main instrument. It was so awesome how piano was the main instrument in CP and not guitar lol! I felt so wanted and important... =\
Omg, Eric plays super good piano too! I remember last year, he played the Office theme but now I just get blasted in the face again with his multiple talents and feel really jealous lol... but no I shouldn't think like that. My little brother is so talented ^^ I wish I could play songs that made others around me gather around and sing along too.
Mama is here, making lunch upstairs!
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Ritz-oppa's presentation:
"High school is life exaggerated."
"Guilt roller steaming my carcass." (ish)
Even if life is terrible, keep moving forward. It's okay.
Our belief, "One Family Under God," is another way of saying "World Peace."
Our belief, simply, is "Creating ideal individuals, families, communities, societies, nations, and world."
1) If I were perfect, I'd be:
Selfless, kind, talented, giving, living for others, living for my family, future husband. Beautiful, amiable, influence the world in a good way. No regrets. Recognize my weak points, flaws. Close with God. Not selfish OMG NOT SELFISH. Help my little sister not suffer and do the same things I did. Sing beautifully (lol). Fulfill my potential. Not embararssed. Proud of myself. Don't judge others. Honest. Not afraid. OMG.
Not so afraid of everything.
-Yoshie said at our group meeting, "no concept of social standings." Yoko said "obey parents, live in the moment."
2. My ideal spouse:
Selfless, kind, giving, loves children, musically talented, loving, sweet, understanding, supportive, funny, having straight priorities, STRONG FAITH. THE UNBREAKABLE BELIEF THAT NO MATTER WHAT, OUR BLESSING WILL NEVER FAIL. Growing. Patient, strong vertical relationship. A teacher (to me), not judgmental. Unstressed. A brother.
3. If money was no concern, I would buy:
A house, cars, airplane (my dad really loves to fly) for my family. Music stuff (instruments, recording stuff...) Everything and anything my family, friends needed. Give to charities. Hire Japanese and Korean tutors lol.
Then Kenritsu-oppa told us what these really meant.
1 = Who God really wants us to be. Your true self.
2 = Who you should be for your spouse. (He said if you did this after being blessed, it'd help your blessing a lot. "It works." Trying to be who you'd want your spouse to be. Because hey, wouldn't your spouse want you to be like that too?)
3 = How you are going to change toe world. So... I'm gonna change the world with music? I don't know...
Everyone said they were surprised with this activity, and liked it a lot. But while I was writing it, I knew that for example, what I wanted my husband to be was what I should strive to be. For some reason I just knew this activity. Last February's Blessing Workshop might've done that lol... cuz it's engraved in my mind, to "Not find the right person. BE the right person."
Confidence, awesomeness is your imaginary cape... (?) Henry Bechtel wore his cape for us ^^;
Religion is a training/fixing center to repair broken, dysfunctional human beings.
Tiny little baby steps. It's all you can do, and it's okay. Take it easy. "Life is awesome." You can have a blast. It's gonna suck too, at times, but it's okay.
I love the words "it's okay." It's always in songs too. It just makes me feel safe, really safe and warm.
Group discussion:
If you want something to happen, you just gotta DO something!!!
Rebecca said "You reach a certain level when hearing a simple lecture won't inspire you and hit you like before. Then you have to DO." Not just listen. DOOOO!!!!!
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I told Jina that I can drive for the workshop...! O_O
Mama, Daddy and Mr. Macfarlane are here lol!! Lunch was grapes and hot dogs.
Played piano. With Jean, Haewon, Mika, Misook and Renate. Death Cab for Cutie, Coldplay, TPL omo -_-; Chris Brooks came and asked about our Mercedes lol XD Compliment ^^; Playing piano wasn't as magical as last year. I was sad.
I drove my group to San Leandro bart!!!! :D I believe I'm old enough to be doing that now... and BRAVE enough omg. I have enough confidence to drive precious second generation in my car?
BART SCAVENGER HUNT (1 - 5pm):
- Two girls to do YMCA with us lol
- Two "40 year old" ladies describe God + laugh.
- Group 13 was on the same bart as us once, so we sang "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" with them ^^ That was really fun XD
- Made a heart with ourselves. Shannon looked so beautiful! I mean, she is all the time, but in this picture, like abnormally beautiful...!!!!!
- Fit into a shopping cart (Sort of. Ahhh I was just hanging on stupidly, ruining the picture... -_-;)
- Yoga post
- Midair jump picture
- newspaper hats
- sang "you are my sunshine" to two ladies who video camerad us lol!
- MTV Cribbs show OMG THAT WAS FUNNIEST. YOKO IS SO GOOD!!!!!!! "Yokoko..." "Shenaynay" ROFL
- gave X-mas card to Bart driver out the window lol!
- pic with two weirdly dressed people... in a good way i guess...
After, I was so confused! They told us all to get off at Bayfair but my car was at San Leandro! So Jeungli and I almost went by ourselves back on bart to get my car... but them PHEW saved.
Let go of your pride.
Dan drove me and JJ back to San Leandro. When we got to his car, JJ folded forward the seat and I so, completely, without a doubt expected to go sit in back. But when JJ went to the back himself, I was kinda momentarily shocked and speechless. I mean, for one thing he is older than me and deserves the front seat, but also he doesn't know me and I am a girl and I just thought... but oh man was I wrong. He's a gentleman!!!
Aw man I was so stupid *worst part of the workshop* Anyway, drive some sisters (and brother) back to church, then follow Dan to Bayfair and pick up more sisters <3 It seems like some people were more tired and not happy about this activity than others... =\
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Kwanchai-oppa - Do What You Say
Our parents (2st gen) are the purest idealists around.
When words match actions, trust and harmony are built.
When words don't match your actions, you are lying to yourself.
1) Define values
2) Live by them = Two Step Wonder Method
1) Boil down (like clarified butter) until you get the stuff that'll last forever
2) They have to be yours. YOURS. YOUR VALUES. Not somebody elses. Act on your values.
When you unite your mind adn body, you get energy :D
People that do what they say are great roommates, friends, siblings =) (he told the story of his sister, on the computer...)
"Be the change you want to see in the world" - Ghandi.
The harmony of the world begins when I can be in harmony with myself.
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Mr. Dishman's testimony
You can never, never judge or guess others. Their personality, their past... there's no way you can ever understand them by looking at them. This was proved so many times at Cheongpyeong for me but still it gets me every time.
He sang us a song and made me smile =)
Because Yoko was tired I massaged her and then she returned it! And then I (tried) to massage Shannon's hand. It was like CP! I think I get all my strength from that time in Korea last summer. Singing on stage. Massaging others. Arm in arm. Song movements, laughing, talking... my confidence came from 40 days of suffering yet highest spiritual happiness in Cheongpyeong, Korea. As well as all the years of being loved and supported, encouraged by elder BC brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles of this community...
Dinner with Mika! <3
My nose bled for 2 hours. Not in the way you'd think.
Evening activity was making a collage/poster of your BART pictures! This is where I get sleepy and uninspired, actually... I'm not artistic (visual) and I'm hopeless at colors and design and stuff. So I kinda just sat there, watching Yoshie, Yoko and Shannon and the others beautify our glamorous poster. The pictures came out well, I think if only I could scratch myself from them... -____-; the sisters in my group are so beautiful... i feel like, how can i stand with them...?
While many others at the workshop are tired, I am not tired. I will never be "tired" again. Because tired is Cheongpyeong. Tired is being able to fall asleep in 30 seconds at any given moment of the day, and not being able to wake up unless someone pushes you around. Tired is 5 hours of sleep for 40 days of climbing mountains, sweating gallons, ansu-ing hours, living on a hill, and trying to fulfill your goals while missing your family to death and singing your heart out. So yesss, I'm so happy that I wasn't "tired" at the workshop =)))
*sigh*... I cried before falling asleep because I don't want to turn 18.
[Day 3] Sunday, December 28th
Rebecca was the first to give me a hug and tell me, happy birthday <3
I don't wanna be 18 though =(
Exercise: aerobics with Jeanina and Miki lol a lil embarrassing, but okay =)
HDH: Love is a verb, not a noun (feeling). It's something you do.
The only thing stopping you from success is yourself. There's ALWAYS time for the important things. You can't wait for other people to encourage you.
Yoshie exclaimed that it's my bday lol, but omo Anjie has to go home today! D= Yoko prayed about my birthday in her prayer omo... <3 Everyone told me happy birthday =)
Morning Service: Jake McCarthy.
Funny dog picture XD
We cleaned our personal stuff, then our group had the sanctuary. I LOVE CLEANING! Mama was like, leading sanctuary cleaning lol because she cleans it Sunday mornings ^^; After breakfast, Rebecca, Megu, Harumi, Winna and Jessica come sit with me in the sanctuary and Harumi taps my knee, "Happy Birthday!!" Rebecca omo. Rebecca made and gave me this insanely pretty keychain with the Chinese character for "Love" a chinese guy a flower and a pink star on it! SHE MADE IT OMG!!!!! THANK YOU REBECCA I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU COULD DO STUFF LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!! <33333333333
Upstairs, Chris Brooks split all of us in three. 1 was led by Channa, 2 by Chris, 3 (us) by Eric and we sang "Row Row Row Your Boat." IT WAS SUPER AWESOME!!! And beautiful lol!! So fun I really liked that XD
For the first time in my life, I did the "hey hey" movements, like lifting the roof? In "By and By." I was always too embarrassed and stupid and locked inside to let go and loosen up to just do THAT. Hey hey. HEY HEEEYYYYYYY KYA XD NEVER BEFORE.
I stood up but my finger was under the accordion door and uh I kinda scraped my skin off. It hurt a lot. It still does (Jan 2 writing this) :(
Sandra talked to us, and shared her heart without notes (lol) because she forgot them at home ^^; Sandra-onni!
Complaining in your hear (private) is a bad CONDITION. Take care of yourself so you can take care of others. <-- I need to hear that a lot. MAke the effort to get out of the midway position (neutral) to go to God's side God's side God's side.
I drove Shannon, Yara and Jeungli to the swimming place! I followed (tailgated) Dave-oppa nervously. But it was sad in the slow lane. Anyway, they talked about family during the drive while listening to the radio. One Republic came on twice lol!
Swimming/Sport Center:
I hung out with Rebecca, Jessica, Jeungli, Aimi and Helen. We went to the "secret" showers, walked around, then ate lunch for an hour (2 - 3) in the couches. So quiet, away from everyone =) We talked a lot and laughed a lot, eating our sammiches and apples it was so fun. It was like bonding.
Then my brother Justin walked by and said happy birthday =)
Coming out, Mi Sook and Sarah found out it was my birthday and Mi Sook hugged and picked me up lol... XD She said "I can't believe you're 18! I thought you were still 15" YES XD
The Drive. OMG.
Shannon had to drive another car so it was only me, Jeungli and Yara. I was to follow Shannon because I didn't know the way back to the freeway. Then suddenly, Mr. Macfarlane in his big white van was waving and putting his blinker on so I got into his lane, in front of him.
Then at the red light, he jumped out of his van, ran to us, opened the door and "Here you go girls" handed us a pan of cinammon rolls.
We were just like, WTHEECCKK!!!???? LAUGHING AND LAUGHING XD
I had to cut in front of Mrs. Lapres to get onto the freeway >_______<; SORRY AUNT MYRNA!!!!
Mr. Macfarlane was way ahead. We were like, "wouldn't it be funny to give the cinammon rolls back to him through the window, on the freeway!? hahahaa..." and then LOL we got into the fast lane and caught up with him. We all ecstatically waved at their van while we passed them, but didn't pass the rolls back XD
Near the end of our drive home, we approached the intersection I really hate. Halcyon & Washington? Or something. I really, really hate it. The light. So we were going, but I knew, I KNEW it was going to turn yellow at just the perfect moment. I wanted to stop right now, while it was green lol.
It turns yellow.
I slam the breaks.
I forgot if we were screaming? Maybe not. We screeched to a stop partly in the intersection.
Mr. Macfarlane's van ZOOMS by, into the red light.
We scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Then I reverse and wait for the light, I try to drive while in park, then we get back. It was a pretty crazy drive XD
It turns out that Mr. Macfarlane and my little sister made the cinnamon rolls this morning! I didn't eat any but I didn't know... =(
Later, Shannon told us "OK, I don't see a black car. I've lost her." Lol we forgot we were supposed to be following her! I just didn't know the way back to the freeway, that was all, but we really did leave Shannon and Mrs. Lapres behind... =(
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Kwanchai-oppa - Reinventing the Garden of Eden
Consequences of the Fall:
- We weren't made this way originally
- God lost his family, Satan gained one
- GOD'S BROKEN HEART (His children consciously left him)
4 Fallen Natures:
1) Failure to see from God's viewpoint
2) Leaving proper position
3) Reversal of dominion
4) Multiplying evil
The first act of love was selfish. Don't repeat history.
Walk a mile in someone else's shoes
Reversed 4 Fallen Natures:
1) Seeing from God's VP
2) Staying in the proper position
3) Respect and love our Abels (parents, aunts, elders, teachers)
4) Multiplying good --> good Samaritan
Choices:
I don't want to --> handicapped hearts
Yes, I want to recreate the Garden of Eden --> Go back to God
Don't hurt God's heart.
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Josiah-oppa's Presentation
Narcene (sp?) Creed (Omg, Donny is so smart!)
Um... uh...
While everyone loved Josiah's talk so much, and understood everything and became enlightened and everything... for some reason, I was kinda lost... O_o; Why? I was trying to listen and understand, but my brain couldn't handle it or something. I think fromt he beginning, I kinda had this preconception that Josiah's is super smart and intellectual, and since I am not, I wouldn't be able to understand... >__________<;
Anjie's older brother came and told our group why Anjie left...
Koolaid massacre discussion? Never heard of it but it sounds awful... horrible...
The line for dinner didn't move for 15 minutes. During dinner, Shannon asked all the December (or was it the ones during the workshop?) birthdays to come to the... front? Anyway... everyone sang Happy Birthday for I didn't know who he was until now Juju? Joojoo? Young Joon? and Dorothy and me and I dunno if there was anyone else... was Hanson there?
Shannon gave me two ice cream sammiches because my birthday was that day, then Juju was like "what no fair, my birthday's tomorr--" and Shannon gave him two too XD
Eating ice cream with my friends was really nice =) Last year, and the years before that, I wouldn't have eaten it. I wouldn't have eaten any desserts, and hardly any meals lol... because I was stupid. But now I know what to do ^^
Blessing Testimonies
Ritz Yamamoto & I dunno what his wife's name is... >n<; -
It was super nice to hear Korean... <3 and even understand some...
Believe it is what God wants you to do (the Blessing, go forward and being ready for it)
Amalia and Sung Hyun
Deanne and Kwanchai -
It'll be a challenge. Effort, commitment... Doing things you don't want to do when you "wanna do your own thing."
Kwanchai said he put himself in a good environment, and things fell in place well.
The Blessing will be the first time you are committed to a person.
Their processional song was William Tell Overture lol? XD
I wanted to cry when Deanne was crying. Saying she never had a person dedicated to her, loving her, and understanding her. And I finally understand why Kwanchai doesn't like to publicly talk about their Blessing. I don't know how to put it... he's just such a good older BC brother...
Dave asked some cars to be moved. I knew he would say ours lol... but not like that...
"If you have a black mercedez benz, please move your car to my spot." LOL XD
But, all the brothers were going outside. I was the only girl there so frantically I looked for Justin and gave him the keys to move the car because I didn't want to drive with no sisters around...
And for the first time ever, two BC brothers talked to all the sisters before our sister talk.
It was one of the best parts of the workshop (content).
I know how to be a good sister now, to my brothers. I hope I can be.
Sister talk (juniors and seniors)
Pray to God, what to do after high school with parents. What be best? Develop your relationship with your parents, cmoplete trust. Maybe, a year of service?
Be selfless, have your priorities straight, clear, pure... LFSO.
The Blessing is so God can work through us, help the world through us as a couple, a Blessed couple. Believe that God put you two together for a reason.
Make conditions.
Respect.
Shannon, Gina-onni, Rebecca, and the other elder BC sisters are so loving and caring. They do everything for us. I hope I can be like them someday soon.
Gina-onni told us seniors, "Oyasuminasai~" <3
[Day 4] Monday, December 29th
So hot, tired after exercises argh -_______________-;
We always have our group 14 HDH on the carpeted stage upstairs.
With the song team, we sang 3 Little Birds and Light of Grace. So moving. But in between, Juju (sp?) was called up and we all sang happy birthday to him, 14 today ^^ With guitar, bass and drums. Then Renate was like, "what about you?" and Shannon jumps up and says it was my birthday yesterday, and makes everyone sing for me now... so embarrassed...! i felt bad for everyone. it was like half hearted the second time lol. and since they sang happy bday to us yesterday too, maybe they were getting tired of me having my birthday during hte workshop and i just felt really bad... =(
Miki's morning service:
God's Unconditional Love
Don't reject God's love, which sometimes comes as compliments from friends. Be open.
Lol, I think I got the most out of her morning service! I could tell everyone was making effort to accept compliments and not reject them during the workshop lol. Me too =)
Breakfast: cereal and muffin 1/4 with Ariana, Jessica, Rebecca, Jeungli, Aimi (I thought you spelled it Aimee?) and Winna. After, we laugh soooooo much about funny things in Cheongpyeong last summer. And not so funny lol. Mostly about pink eye XD
I want to staff middle school One Heart Camp '09 now.
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Kwanchai-oppa - True Value (Christology)
He told us the one heart '06 story again lol. It's a good story. The drunk teens at night, Rev. Thompson's silhouette while he ran after Dan for the police... Kwanchai can tell stories so. well. Dave too. and Ritz. They're the funniest brothers around XD
How can we be important, precious, valuable?
True value of a person is measured by how well you can give/love others.
Some people define themselves and their value by their clothes, grades... it's unhealthy.
If something is fulfilling its purpose, it's valuable.
We were created with a purpose. To fulfill the 3 Great Blessings.
1) Love God
2) Love your family
3) How you love the world. What legacy are you leaving?
LFSO LFSO LFSO LFSO LFSO LFSO LFSO LFSO LFSO LFSO LFSO
1) Divine value
- when we become the person we were meant to be
2) Unique Value
- When you reflect God's heart like no one else
3) Cosmic value
- when you fulfill... ? You're so precious to the universe. You're very irreplacable.
We have incredible potential.
If we didn't know our true value, we'd waste our potential, and aim low.
God first looks at our hearts.
We are most at peace when we are doing what we were created to do.
Choices:
1) Don't do what we're meant to do
Unhappy, unfulfilled
2) Will fulfill our purpose
Important to God, others. Able to see a glimpse of God's character inside yourself (when Kwanchai's Dad knew he had value...)
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senior girls slept during the 30 minute break ^^
Hey, if there's time and everyone else is doing it too, I will sleep too =)
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Sung Hyun-oppa
Korean school ends at 10pm omg.
High school may be boring and bad but after, time will fly. You have to work on yourself during this time. Don't waste it.
He feels amazing heart in America, Korea is different. The standards, the rules, how you grow up as a 2nd gen.
Whoever you meet, try to treat them with a certain attitude. It will prepare you for your Blessing.Seek to understand the other person.
Is Kenjangi... coincidence?
Caught up with Haewon at lunch. Like what's been happening...
Looked at group BART posters. So cool!
We played this 300 game. At first, I was like oh no... *sigh* not my thing...
Being Persians was boring, throwing newspaper balls at the Spartans, who got the crown once. And I thought being Spartan would be worse, hiding behind a cardboard shield and running through the Persians attacks and dying and going to bootcamp over and over. 20 jumping jacks, 10 pushups, and 10 spins.
But actually, it wasn't so bad. Being Spartan was all right ^^ Though I only made it to the safe zone with the crown with the others when there was 10 seconds left ^^;
Omgoooodness Masazumi is FAST O_o;
I won't share anything from Fort Sharing because it's confidential <3 Just that we finished the box of cookies in two minutes, before we even started talking and that our fort was the best XD
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Rev. Thompson
Rocky (Ares), Dave, and Joshua lil play lol...
The Messiah comes tos et us free. Our job is to grow out of our old restrictions and become... full? He set you free, you have to move.
True Father is the champion of:
1) Knowing God
- "God is miserable, I want to stop his misery."
2) Knowing Satan
- Most people are "how can I get food to live?" while we are "how can I STOP eating." omg.
If Beatles had met the Messiah... Through music we can spread DP message. Music is a language spoken everywhere.
3) Human nature
- through study, intuition
4) spirit world
5) Jesus. he's the #1 christian
6) Bible
7) History
- We are the luckiest people in the world, living in the same time as the Messiah.
The secret to Cheon Il Guk:
"Love your wife & be a good daddy."
Temptations: Food, sleep, love
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I felt so bad, I forgot it was our cleaning turn after dinner until the last minute! I'M SO SORRY!!!!
We were late to the award ceremony of the BART scavenger hunt! We got 2nd place OMG!!!! Ares group #6 won 1st, but it's okay because it was fun :D We watched groups' videos lol... I wish we could hear what they were saying... =\ Hanson's trophy was really cool!
I'm really short O_o;
The song leaders don't let us volunteer to go on stage anymore! They're going by groups! =( But even not singing on stage, singing "sailing with our father" was so moving... if I actually think about the words I'm singing, it's so beautiful. And seeing all my brothers and sisters singing these words too... with all their heart, really really...
"And we'll be sailing~~ with our Father..."
I don't have a girl's vocal range for some reason and I just wish I could reach the high powerful notes instead of falsetto. But I do the best I can even if my voice cracks, the heart is what matters (as well as at least slightly hitting the note... xp) and i was so stupid to not sing in past workshops and stuff. just clapping or whatever. i just couldn't break out of myself until now, really. I'm gonna miss singing with everyone. I can't wait for OHC.
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Mrs. Cotter
Daemonim can see your spiritual body when you walk through the gates of CP.
Mrs. Cotter is talking but my mind is wandering. I want to staff OHC middle school. I will try. Surely this workshop high will be gone within a week, but... I tell myself now, now now!! I PLEDGE TO STAFF MIDDLE SCHOOL OHC 2009.
What you put into something spirtually it is greatly affected. Like when you're cooking, and sing or chant "oishiku na~re" like in anpanman ^^;
Let your character shine *
When you wake up, even if it's not formal it's okay (but it'd be nice) to greet Heavenly Father. Every morning, open your eyes, and your first thought should be gratitude for being alive and breathing again. Say, "I want to see what You see. I want to say things to express love. I want to hear what You want me to hear, and do things You want me to do." And be sorry for bad things you saw and bad things you said. "Thank you. I did blah blah blah... did you see Heavenly Father?" :D Your life will be so shiny XD
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Finally, they let anyone who wanted to sing on stage and I went for sure. Renee, Mi Sook, Jean, Renate... we sang "I'll Never Leave You Anymore." I was okay until the last chorus. Then I couldn't sing anymore but just cry. Mi Sook hugged me. I stumbled back and just cried with a runny nose while Dave talked to us but I couldn't look up. The only thing I remember is that he's afraid that we won't come back. Have we had enough of a good moving experience to come back? For some reason I was so happy to see Jackson's hand go up (sitting in front of me) ^^; But Dave said he wasn't sure.
We repented on paper at 7 stations and also wrote goals for 2009. I felt so bad and cried a lot. We burned them outside. Please forgive me for everything wrong I did last year, Heavenly Father.
I followed the 2nd gen car in front of us to the Marina. The right path was blocked so we took a detour. Everyone was silent.
At the Marina, it wasn't even cold. No wind. Just a cool, refreshing stillness. We gathered in a huge circle. Ares had a white headlight. Eric had his guitar. We linked arms (Haewon, Jeungli) and sang As the Deer. If I think about the lyrics, I want to cry. But mostly I tried to sing with all my heart. Lily was singing close to us... so touching, heart warming... Swaying, a tight circle arm in arm. Connected. Ares' light went over the frosty/dewy grass and fog...
O Light of Grace.
When we started repeating the chorus in the end, and Ares was telling us how to sing... I wanted to sing so loud, so hard so bad but I couldn't stop crying. And just when (everyone else) couldn't sing any louder, we all closed in a really tight circle around Donny, Rebecca and Dan. I heard a lot of sniffling. I cried the whole time. So hurt, because God has been hurting... yet so warm, loved, safe... and sad and sorry, repenting...
Split up for the 21 minute prayer. It was harder to pray than in CP, but I did. Other than repenting, thanking and pledging... I prayed for the protection of BCs all over the world. I love them so much. I didn't know what else there is to pray about as important as that... the happiness, well-being of BCs...
"Uri-eh soweoneun tongil..."
We said our goodnights to Heavenly Father, the world, each other... drove home following Steven, being followed by Chris. One red light would NOT turn green so we took it red XD Drank hot chocolate, so warm... then good night...
[Day 5] Tuesday, December 30th
Sungil-oppa's Morning Service
Richie Rich (movie?)
You have to give first. Give and take starts from someone. You.
You can't change the little things your siblings do that you hate. You can only change yourself. SO give more. Look past flaws and be grateful for them, so you can grow. Pray when you're struggling. Then try hard to think of what you're grateful for. Your whole load will be lifted of. People never tire of receiving thanks =)
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I love my all-girl-group.
I will take care of my younger brothers and sisters.
Our group cleaned up outside. Garbage juice = GAHK ><;
Sat with Mike and Jeungli. Felt so relaxed, wonderful.
Reflection, sharing, Yara talking about horses. Super interesting! :D
Dan's story: "Hey, how much are your $20 roses?" XD ROFL
Hanson's birthday! Everyone sang with Eric's guitar, Ares leading.
Rev. and Mrs. Cotter talked to us.
Then testimonies.
First, brave, open and BCs that everyone knew went up. Renee, Dan Brown, Donny... Then I began getting thoughts, like of what to say. A couple ideas... but no no, I don't want to go up. I don't have to go up so I don't want to.
But no, my conscience kicked in, and for some reason, I knew I had to go up.
I forgot what I said and I think it was embarrassing, but I really, really wanted to just say, mostly... that I love everyone a lot... and then, I felt really good. Like... me.
Kaylie was so cool... deciding not to get into her routine "low" between workshops :D
Luke said "I love you" to God in his prayer and everyone was like AAWWWW :3
We (Renee, Jean, Mi Sook, Renate) got on stage for our final song. Jean hugged me for my testimony <3
Now was our final song. Channa said we always sing Journey because that's what we're going on after the workshop. Journey is such a tear-jerking song. I was okay. Again, until the last, last chorus. Then I couldn't sing anymore.
We prayed. I don't even remember who prayed. Ares? I was just crying with Renate and Mi Sook, who hugged me and told me it was okay.
Mansei led by Mitz. OG MANSEI!! OG MANSEI!!!!
Then everyone was hugging me and telling me they were proud of me. Yara, Haewon, Mika, Dorothy, Rebecca, Jeanina, Aunt Annie and Aunt Myrna, Debra (my testimony "made her life" omg...), and even Sean Calavan! I was so touched by everyone... I couldn't have done it... finally broken through to my real self without the suport and love of everyone through the past years... it took 18 years... I hope I can keep it up... and be the real me everywhere. More than me. As much as I was meant to be.
Instead of lunch, I hugged everyone goodbye and waited with Haewon and Mika. They were going first. Why couldn't they stay over at our house for a day? An hour? It was so sad...
I've seriously reconsidered living in Japan. I wanted to so badly before, but now... I don't want to be anywhere far away from all the BCs I know in California. I just want to be with these BCs that I love. I can't survive without them. I don't wanna go to the Korean concert in May anymore. I was obsessed about it but now it's dumb.
My brother ran after the green van, bringing LA BCs home. He and his friends ran down the street after them...
I miss everyone already.
Later, Justin told me that once, on stage, I had my arm over his teammate Marie while singing. She went back to the group and asked, "Hey Justin, do you have a little sister?" He answered, "Yeah, two. And one older, who you were with up there.... *lol*" and she was like "what!?" XD
Things that were important to me before the workshop are stupid now haha. I feel so good.
I just can't wait for One Heart Camp. My last one being a participant. My first OHC staffing (I hope). I miss everyone already so much. I can't wait for church next Sunday. I want to join junior STF am i too old?? =( I want to staff or do Il Shim again, in a couple weeks. My parents are going to the matching convocation in a couple months (not to match me. for info because i'm not ready ^^). I can't wait for more venturing outings to have fun with BCs. I can't wait to change the world with everyone.
Nor Cal - San Leandro
December 26th - 30th
Jenny's Journal Entries: Typed
[Day 1] Friday, December 26th
While I was preparing for the workshop (packing, shower, laundry) the Macfarlanes stopped by on their way to church!!! I hadn't seen Haewon in like a whole year, and Mika in longer!!! So happy to see them... we exchanged presents and I got exactly what I wanted: A SOCCER BALL! <3 And super pretty pajama pants omo!!! <3333 THANK YOU HAEWON I LOVE THEM A LOT LOT *hugs you*
Justin drove us to church, and okaaayy he had to park in the center of like ten brothers playing sports who all looked at us and I was like trying to disappear. They were all like "Heey Justin a mercedes!!!" lol...
Everyone I missed so much is here!!!!!
Winna, Harumi, Megumi, Dorothy, Mi Sook, Haewon, Mika, Yoshie, Yoko... omg I was so happy!!! People from CP, and just BCs I haven't seen in a long time. For an hour we hung out, laughed, played cards, talked...
Usually my parents drop me off and then I almost CRY when they leave. This time we drove ourselves, practically without saying goodbye lol ^^; This is my last winter workshop being a participant!!!!
Orientation at 5:30 Dave, Kwanchai and Deanne are so funny!!! <33333 We opened our "Top Secret" envelopes and had to find our leaders; my group!
Group 14:
Shannon, Rebecca, Dorothy (18 already omo!!), Jeungli, Yara, Yoko, Yoshie, Anjie and me yay! WE'RE ALL GIRLS I'M SO HAPPY <3
Made bracelets with our group's colors (green, pink and er, pink), eat spaghetti. Shannon really misses CP too! Me too yeah... a lot...
Omg Eric Ross is our workshop guitarist! :D
We played this group reindeer thing, and we had to:
1) decorate paper christmas tree
2) eat pretzels (without hands) and carrots *blurgghh*
3) wrap presents
4) sing and dance to the Rudolph song <--the most embarrassing I was bright red ><;
5) make a snowman (out of toilet paper and Jeungli ^^;)
6) RACE OMG IT WAS THE BEST PART. Drag this stuffed animal in a makeshift paper sled down the hall, screaming and crashing into the opposing team LOL We made a new record!!!!!! XD
7) throw and catch balls with garbage bags (we failed xp)
The workshop motto is "Let Your Divine Character Shine." The word "shine" has been being used a lot it seems these days, and I really like the word! ^^; Shine... SHINee <-- the k-pop boyband. Shine <-- TVXQ song... Rev. Cotter's words: We were great in '08, and we're gonna shine in '09!" XD
I love singing songs together.
We had like an hour of journal and sharing about negative/positive things of the year. I loved having time to write in my journal! And with EVERYONE! :D I shared about CP. But compared to everyone else, my struggles are... nothing. Absolutely nothing. I have no idea how much all other BCs go through, in public high school since I homeschooled since middle school. I don't know how hard it is. Sometimes I want to go to school just to see, but I think I'd like... die maybe. So... I feel so afraid for all BCs who go to public schools... who live far away and I can't do anything for them...
Once, in Cheongpyeong last summer, I fell asleep writing my journal lying on my sleeping bag and I remember half waking up and seeing Christelle-onni move my notebook and pen from under my face and putting them by my bed... randomly, I remembered that. Maybe because the same feeling of love and caring is in this workshop as CP...
I really want to be myself. I already know I'm louder, freer than usual. I know!! OMO!! Laughing out loud (I never did that in public) screaming (during the reindeer race haha), singing without being embarrassed, not being silent haha XD YESH!!!!!!
[Day 2] Saturday, December 27th
Slept horrible! Woke up every time I moved cuz I was worried. But I have this awesome determination haha... thanks to CP...
Gina-onni and I fixed our hair in front of the WINDOW as a mirror lolllll.... She likes Big Bang over TVXQ, but likes Junsu-oppa but since Wrong Number perf with the pinstripe suits and Yunho-oppa sitting on the two dancers knees, she might have to think that over she said ^^; Junsu-oppa is really dumb she said haha, I know, from that Friends show! But I thought it was just cute. And hilarious lol...
Shannon gave Morning Service!!! (This is what my lecture notes look like...)
Morning Service:
Weapon of choice - Friendship
- True Friendship = one true friend is all you need, over 100 friends. Friends are like diamonds/gems. They're rare and precious.
- God works through people. Friends are people. We're dense sometimes (all the time for me -___-;)
Exercises: >_____________________<;;;; Like... marine bootcamp!? @w@;
Hoon Dok He: Reputation / Character.
Reputation is how rich or poor you are. Character is how happy or miserable you are
Dude, Eric is good at guitar. And singing O_o; His own style...
Breakfast OMG I LOVE MIKA AND HAEWON SO MUCH~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <333333333333
During singing together, I always follow Ares-oppa's clapping because... uh because sometimes I can't tell when to clap lol? Which beat is better to clap on? RANDOMLY yes, I follow his clapping because he sits in the row in front of us ^^;
Gosh my eyesight is really bad these days. Getting worse? I can't tell who people are if they aren't ten feet away. Sometimes. But I don't wanna wear my glasses.
I miss playing piano already.
Sang on the stage with the song team OMO SO FUN!!!!! Like Cheongpyeong!!!! <3
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Rev. Thompson's presentation:
He dropped his cell in the toilet. Renee knwe the 1st sentence of the DP omg!!
"Everyone is struggling to attain happiness & avoid misfortune." Avoid is mistranslated. It should be OVERCOME. Rev. Thompson said our parents wouldn't know that, but when we asked them, they said they knew. Even my little sister knew O_o;
God WANTS us to be hit with struggles, and then overcome them. And He wants to help us through them. If we didn't have struggles and challenges, we would never grow.
A Father's Santa Claus Cycles:
1) He believes in Santa
2) He doesn't believe in Santa
3) He plays Santa
4) He looks like Santa LOL XD
If God Wants us to believe in Him, why doesn't he just show himself?
The moon is 240,000 miles away. The sun is 93,000,000 miles away. If it was any closer, we'd fry up. If it was any farther, we'd freexe O_o; God is so awesome.
GOD = General Organized Director
Shiny nose = Rich fortune
Small ears = Sensitive nature
Deep wrinkles = Traumatic past
The face is divided into three sections, each of which show the past, present and future of a person's life.
Incorporate a prayer into your daily routine/habits. Every day. Change your life. Just read something, someone else's prayer even. St. Francis, Jesus...
If you want power, you plug an appliance into an outlet. If you want power, plug into God. Make a connection. Consistent, Every day, simple. God would be so happy.
Rev. Thompson is not asking us to do 90 minutes of HDH at 5am. Just ONE MINUTE A DAY.
If God is with you, you can overcome anything. Happily
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Haewon went up with me to sing on stage <3
Singing on stage is the best. Especially because I can't play piano on the song team like in Korea. Cuz here, guitar is the main instrument. It was so awesome how piano was the main instrument in CP and not guitar lol! I felt so wanted and important... =\
Omg, Eric plays super good piano too! I remember last year, he played the Office theme but now I just get blasted in the face again with his multiple talents and feel really jealous lol... but no I shouldn't think like that. My little brother is so talented ^^ I wish I could play songs that made others around me gather around and sing along too.
Mama is here, making lunch upstairs!
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Ritz-oppa's presentation:
"High school is life exaggerated."
"Guilt roller steaming my carcass." (ish)
Even if life is terrible, keep moving forward. It's okay.
Our belief, "One Family Under God," is another way of saying "World Peace."
Our belief, simply, is "Creating ideal individuals, families, communities, societies, nations, and world."
1) If I were perfect, I'd be:
Selfless, kind, talented, giving, living for others, living for my family, future husband. Beautiful, amiable, influence the world in a good way. No regrets. Recognize my weak points, flaws. Close with God. Not selfish OMG NOT SELFISH. Help my little sister not suffer and do the same things I did. Sing beautifully (lol). Fulfill my potential. Not embararssed. Proud of myself. Don't judge others. Honest. Not afraid. OMG.
Not so afraid of everything.
-Yoshie said at our group meeting, "no concept of social standings." Yoko said "obey parents, live in the moment."
2. My ideal spouse:
Selfless, kind, giving, loves children, musically talented, loving, sweet, understanding, supportive, funny, having straight priorities, STRONG FAITH. THE UNBREAKABLE BELIEF THAT NO MATTER WHAT, OUR BLESSING WILL NEVER FAIL. Growing. Patient, strong vertical relationship. A teacher (to me), not judgmental. Unstressed. A brother.
3. If money was no concern, I would buy:
A house, cars, airplane (my dad really loves to fly) for my family. Music stuff (instruments, recording stuff...) Everything and anything my family, friends needed. Give to charities. Hire Japanese and Korean tutors lol.
Then Kenritsu-oppa told us what these really meant.
1 = Who God really wants us to be. Your true self.
2 = Who you should be for your spouse. (He said if you did this after being blessed, it'd help your blessing a lot. "It works." Trying to be who you'd want your spouse to be. Because hey, wouldn't your spouse want you to be like that too?)
3 = How you are going to change toe world. So... I'm gonna change the world with music? I don't know...
Everyone said they were surprised with this activity, and liked it a lot. But while I was writing it, I knew that for example, what I wanted my husband to be was what I should strive to be. For some reason I just knew this activity. Last February's Blessing Workshop might've done that lol... cuz it's engraved in my mind, to "Not find the right person. BE the right person."
Confidence, awesomeness is your imaginary cape... (?) Henry Bechtel wore his cape for us ^^;
Religion is a training/fixing center to repair broken, dysfunctional human beings.
Tiny little baby steps. It's all you can do, and it's okay. Take it easy. "Life is awesome." You can have a blast. It's gonna suck too, at times, but it's okay.
I love the words "it's okay." It's always in songs too. It just makes me feel safe, really safe and warm.
Group discussion:
If you want something to happen, you just gotta DO something!!!
Rebecca said "You reach a certain level when hearing a simple lecture won't inspire you and hit you like before. Then you have to DO." Not just listen. DOOOO!!!!!
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I told Jina that I can drive for the workshop...! O_O
Mama, Daddy and Mr. Macfarlane are here lol!! Lunch was grapes and hot dogs.
Played piano. With Jean, Haewon, Mika, Misook and Renate. Death Cab for Cutie, Coldplay, TPL omo -_-; Chris Brooks came and asked about our Mercedes lol XD Compliment ^^; Playing piano wasn't as magical as last year. I was sad.
I drove my group to San Leandro bart!!!! :D I believe I'm old enough to be doing that now... and BRAVE enough omg. I have enough confidence to drive precious second generation in my car?
BART SCAVENGER HUNT (1 - 5pm):
- Two girls to do YMCA with us lol
- Two "40 year old" ladies describe God + laugh.
- Group 13 was on the same bart as us once, so we sang "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" with them ^^ That was really fun XD
- Made a heart with ourselves. Shannon looked so beautiful! I mean, she is all the time, but in this picture, like abnormally beautiful...!!!!!
- Fit into a shopping cart (Sort of. Ahhh I was just hanging on stupidly, ruining the picture... -_-;)
- Yoga post
- Midair jump picture
- newspaper hats
- sang "you are my sunshine" to two ladies who video camerad us lol!
- MTV Cribbs show OMG THAT WAS FUNNIEST. YOKO IS SO GOOD!!!!!!! "Yokoko..." "Shenaynay" ROFL
- gave X-mas card to Bart driver out the window lol!
- pic with two weirdly dressed people... in a good way i guess...
After, I was so confused! They told us all to get off at Bayfair but my car was at San Leandro! So Jeungli and I almost went by ourselves back on bart to get my car... but them PHEW saved.
Let go of your pride.
Dan drove me and JJ back to San Leandro. When we got to his car, JJ folded forward the seat and I so, completely, without a doubt expected to go sit in back. But when JJ went to the back himself, I was kinda momentarily shocked and speechless. I mean, for one thing he is older than me and deserves the front seat, but also he doesn't know me and I am a girl and I just thought... but oh man was I wrong. He's a gentleman!!!
Aw man I was so stupid *worst part of the workshop* Anyway, drive some sisters (and brother) back to church, then follow Dan to Bayfair and pick up more sisters <3 It seems like some people were more tired and not happy about this activity than others... =\
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Kwanchai-oppa - Do What You Say
Our parents (2st gen) are the purest idealists around.
When words match actions, trust and harmony are built.
When words don't match your actions, you are lying to yourself.
1) Define values
2) Live by them = Two Step Wonder Method
1) Boil down (like clarified butter) until you get the stuff that'll last forever
2) They have to be yours. YOURS. YOUR VALUES. Not somebody elses. Act on your values.
When you unite your mind adn body, you get energy :D
People that do what they say are great roommates, friends, siblings =) (he told the story of his sister, on the computer...)
"Be the change you want to see in the world" - Ghandi.
The harmony of the world begins when I can be in harmony with myself.
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Mr. Dishman's testimony
You can never, never judge or guess others. Their personality, their past... there's no way you can ever understand them by looking at them. This was proved so many times at Cheongpyeong for me but still it gets me every time.
He sang us a song and made me smile =)
Because Yoko was tired I massaged her and then she returned it! And then I (tried) to massage Shannon's hand. It was like CP! I think I get all my strength from that time in Korea last summer. Singing on stage. Massaging others. Arm in arm. Song movements, laughing, talking... my confidence came from 40 days of suffering yet highest spiritual happiness in Cheongpyeong, Korea. As well as all the years of being loved and supported, encouraged by elder BC brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles of this community...
Dinner with Mika! <3
My nose bled for 2 hours. Not in the way you'd think.
Evening activity was making a collage/poster of your BART pictures! This is where I get sleepy and uninspired, actually... I'm not artistic (visual) and I'm hopeless at colors and design and stuff. So I kinda just sat there, watching Yoshie, Yoko and Shannon and the others beautify our glamorous poster. The pictures came out well, I think if only I could scratch myself from them... -____-; the sisters in my group are so beautiful... i feel like, how can i stand with them...?
While many others at the workshop are tired, I am not tired. I will never be "tired" again. Because tired is Cheongpyeong. Tired is being able to fall asleep in 30 seconds at any given moment of the day, and not being able to wake up unless someone pushes you around. Tired is 5 hours of sleep for 40 days of climbing mountains, sweating gallons, ansu-ing hours, living on a hill, and trying to fulfill your goals while missing your family to death and singing your heart out. So yesss, I'm so happy that I wasn't "tired" at the workshop =)))
*sigh*... I cried before falling asleep because I don't want to turn 18.
[Day 3] Sunday, December 28th
Rebecca was the first to give me a hug and tell me, happy birthday <3
I don't wanna be 18 though =(
Exercise: aerobics with Jeanina and Miki lol a lil embarrassing, but okay =)
HDH: Love is a verb, not a noun (feeling). It's something you do.
The only thing stopping you from success is yourself. There's ALWAYS time for the important things. You can't wait for other people to encourage you.
Yoshie exclaimed that it's my bday lol, but omo Anjie has to go home today! D= Yoko prayed about my birthday in her prayer omo... <3 Everyone told me happy birthday =)
Morning Service: Jake McCarthy.
Funny dog picture XD
We cleaned our personal stuff, then our group had the sanctuary. I LOVE CLEANING! Mama was like, leading sanctuary cleaning lol because she cleans it Sunday mornings ^^; After breakfast, Rebecca, Megu, Harumi, Winna and Jessica come sit with me in the sanctuary and Harumi taps my knee, "Happy Birthday!!" Rebecca omo. Rebecca made and gave me this insanely pretty keychain with the Chinese character for "Love" a chinese guy a flower and a pink star on it! SHE MADE IT OMG!!!!! THANK YOU REBECCA I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU COULD DO STUFF LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!! <33333333333
Upstairs, Chris Brooks split all of us in three. 1 was led by Channa, 2 by Chris, 3 (us) by Eric and we sang "Row Row Row Your Boat." IT WAS SUPER AWESOME!!! And beautiful lol!! So fun I really liked that XD
For the first time in my life, I did the "hey hey" movements, like lifting the roof? In "By and By." I was always too embarrassed and stupid and locked inside to let go and loosen up to just do THAT. Hey hey. HEY HEEEYYYYYYY KYA XD NEVER BEFORE.
I stood up but my finger was under the accordion door and uh I kinda scraped my skin off. It hurt a lot. It still does (Jan 2 writing this) :(
Sandra talked to us, and shared her heart without notes (lol) because she forgot them at home ^^; Sandra-onni!
Complaining in your hear (private) is a bad CONDITION. Take care of yourself so you can take care of others. <-- I need to hear that a lot. MAke the effort to get out of the midway position (neutral) to go to God's side God's side God's side.
I drove Shannon, Yara and Jeungli to the swimming place! I followed (tailgated) Dave-oppa nervously. But it was sad in the slow lane. Anyway, they talked about family during the drive while listening to the radio. One Republic came on twice lol!
Swimming/Sport Center:
I hung out with Rebecca, Jessica, Jeungli, Aimi and Helen. We went to the "secret" showers, walked around, then ate lunch for an hour (2 - 3) in the couches. So quiet, away from everyone =) We talked a lot and laughed a lot, eating our sammiches and apples it was so fun. It was like bonding.
Then my brother Justin walked by and said happy birthday =)
Coming out, Mi Sook and Sarah found out it was my birthday and Mi Sook hugged and picked me up lol... XD She said "I can't believe you're 18! I thought you were still 15" YES XD
The Drive. OMG.
Shannon had to drive another car so it was only me, Jeungli and Yara. I was to follow Shannon because I didn't know the way back to the freeway. Then suddenly, Mr. Macfarlane in his big white van was waving and putting his blinker on so I got into his lane, in front of him.
Then at the red light, he jumped out of his van, ran to us, opened the door and "Here you go girls" handed us a pan of cinammon rolls.
We were just like, WTHEECCKK!!!???? LAUGHING AND LAUGHING XD
I had to cut in front of Mrs. Lapres to get onto the freeway >_______<; SORRY AUNT MYRNA!!!!
Mr. Macfarlane was way ahead. We were like, "wouldn't it be funny to give the cinammon rolls back to him through the window, on the freeway!? hahahaa..." and then LOL we got into the fast lane and caught up with him. We all ecstatically waved at their van while we passed them, but didn't pass the rolls back XD
Near the end of our drive home, we approached the intersection I really hate. Halcyon & Washington? Or something. I really, really hate it. The light. So we were going, but I knew, I KNEW it was going to turn yellow at just the perfect moment. I wanted to stop right now, while it was green lol.
It turns yellow.
I slam the breaks.
I forgot if we were screaming? Maybe not. We screeched to a stop partly in the intersection.
Mr. Macfarlane's van ZOOMS by, into the red light.
We scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Then I reverse and wait for the light, I try to drive while in park, then we get back. It was a pretty crazy drive XD
It turns out that Mr. Macfarlane and my little sister made the cinnamon rolls this morning! I didn't eat any but I didn't know... =(
Later, Shannon told us "OK, I don't see a black car. I've lost her." Lol we forgot we were supposed to be following her! I just didn't know the way back to the freeway, that was all, but we really did leave Shannon and Mrs. Lapres behind... =(
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Kwanchai-oppa - Reinventing the Garden of Eden
Consequences of the Fall:
- We weren't made this way originally
- God lost his family, Satan gained one
- GOD'S BROKEN HEART (His children consciously left him)
4 Fallen Natures:
1) Failure to see from God's viewpoint
2) Leaving proper position
3) Reversal of dominion
4) Multiplying evil
The first act of love was selfish. Don't repeat history.
Walk a mile in someone else's shoes
Reversed 4 Fallen Natures:
1) Seeing from God's VP
2) Staying in the proper position
3) Respect and love our Abels (parents, aunts, elders, teachers)
4) Multiplying good --> good Samaritan
Choices:
I don't want to --> handicapped hearts
Yes, I want to recreate the Garden of Eden --> Go back to God
Don't hurt God's heart.
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Josiah-oppa's Presentation
Narcene (sp?) Creed (Omg, Donny is so smart!)
Um... uh...
While everyone loved Josiah's talk so much, and understood everything and became enlightened and everything... for some reason, I was kinda lost... O_o; Why? I was trying to listen and understand, but my brain couldn't handle it or something. I think fromt he beginning, I kinda had this preconception that Josiah's is super smart and intellectual, and since I am not, I wouldn't be able to understand... >__________<;
Anjie's older brother came and told our group why Anjie left...
Koolaid massacre discussion? Never heard of it but it sounds awful... horrible...
The line for dinner didn't move for 15 minutes. During dinner, Shannon asked all the December (or was it the ones during the workshop?) birthdays to come to the... front? Anyway... everyone sang Happy Birthday for I didn't know who he was until now Juju? Joojoo? Young Joon? and Dorothy and me and I dunno if there was anyone else... was Hanson there?
Shannon gave me two ice cream sammiches because my birthday was that day, then Juju was like "what no fair, my birthday's tomorr--" and Shannon gave him two too XD
Eating ice cream with my friends was really nice =) Last year, and the years before that, I wouldn't have eaten it. I wouldn't have eaten any desserts, and hardly any meals lol... because I was stupid. But now I know what to do ^^
Blessing Testimonies
Ritz Yamamoto & I dunno what his wife's name is... >n<; -
It was super nice to hear Korean... <3 and even understand some...
Believe it is what God wants you to do (the Blessing, go forward and being ready for it)
Amalia and Sung Hyun
Deanne and Kwanchai -
It'll be a challenge. Effort, commitment... Doing things you don't want to do when you "wanna do your own thing."
Kwanchai said he put himself in a good environment, and things fell in place well.
The Blessing will be the first time you are committed to a person.
Their processional song was William Tell Overture lol? XD
I wanted to cry when Deanne was crying. Saying she never had a person dedicated to her, loving her, and understanding her. And I finally understand why Kwanchai doesn't like to publicly talk about their Blessing. I don't know how to put it... he's just such a good older BC brother...
Dave asked some cars to be moved. I knew he would say ours lol... but not like that...
"If you have a black mercedez benz, please move your car to my spot." LOL XD
But, all the brothers were going outside. I was the only girl there so frantically I looked for Justin and gave him the keys to move the car because I didn't want to drive with no sisters around...
And for the first time ever, two BC brothers talked to all the sisters before our sister talk.
It was one of the best parts of the workshop (content).
I know how to be a good sister now, to my brothers. I hope I can be.
Sister talk (juniors and seniors)
Pray to God, what to do after high school with parents. What be best? Develop your relationship with your parents, cmoplete trust. Maybe, a year of service?
Be selfless, have your priorities straight, clear, pure... LFSO.
The Blessing is so God can work through us, help the world through us as a couple, a Blessed couple. Believe that God put you two together for a reason.
Make conditions.
Respect.
Shannon, Gina-onni, Rebecca, and the other elder BC sisters are so loving and caring. They do everything for us. I hope I can be like them someday soon.
Gina-onni told us seniors, "Oyasuminasai~" <3
[Day 4] Monday, December 29th
So hot, tired after exercises argh -_______________-;
We always have our group 14 HDH on the carpeted stage upstairs.
With the song team, we sang 3 Little Birds and Light of Grace. So moving. But in between, Juju (sp?) was called up and we all sang happy birthday to him, 14 today ^^ With guitar, bass and drums. Then Renate was like, "what about you?" and Shannon jumps up and says it was my birthday yesterday, and makes everyone sing for me now... so embarrassed...! i felt bad for everyone. it was like half hearted the second time lol. and since they sang happy bday to us yesterday too, maybe they were getting tired of me having my birthday during hte workshop and i just felt really bad... =(
Miki's morning service:
God's Unconditional Love
Don't reject God's love, which sometimes comes as compliments from friends. Be open.
Lol, I think I got the most out of her morning service! I could tell everyone was making effort to accept compliments and not reject them during the workshop lol. Me too =)
Breakfast: cereal and muffin 1/4 with Ariana, Jessica, Rebecca, Jeungli, Aimi (I thought you spelled it Aimee?) and Winna. After, we laugh soooooo much about funny things in Cheongpyeong last summer. And not so funny lol. Mostly about pink eye XD
I want to staff middle school One Heart Camp '09 now.
------------------------
Kwanchai-oppa - True Value (Christology)
He told us the one heart '06 story again lol. It's a good story. The drunk teens at night, Rev. Thompson's silhouette while he ran after Dan for the police... Kwanchai can tell stories so. well. Dave too. and Ritz. They're the funniest brothers around XD
How can we be important, precious, valuable?
True value of a person is measured by how well you can give/love others.
Some people define themselves and their value by their clothes, grades... it's unhealthy.
If something is fulfilling its purpose, it's valuable.
We were created with a purpose. To fulfill the 3 Great Blessings.
1) Love God
2) Love your family
3) How you love the world. What legacy are you leaving?
LFSO LFSO LFSO LFSO LFSO LFSO LFSO LFSO LFSO LFSO LFSO
1) Divine value
- when we become the person we were meant to be
2) Unique Value
- When you reflect God's heart like no one else
3) Cosmic value
- when you fulfill... ? You're so precious to the universe. You're very irreplacable.
We have incredible potential.
If we didn't know our true value, we'd waste our potential, and aim low.
God first looks at our hearts.
We are most at peace when we are doing what we were created to do.
Choices:
1) Don't do what we're meant to do
Unhappy, unfulfilled
2) Will fulfill our purpose
Important to God, others. Able to see a glimpse of God's character inside yourself (when Kwanchai's Dad knew he had value...)
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senior girls slept during the 30 minute break ^^
Hey, if there's time and everyone else is doing it too, I will sleep too =)
----------------------------------------------------
Sung Hyun-oppa
Korean school ends at 10pm omg.
High school may be boring and bad but after, time will fly. You have to work on yourself during this time. Don't waste it.
He feels amazing heart in America, Korea is different. The standards, the rules, how you grow up as a 2nd gen.
Whoever you meet, try to treat them with a certain attitude. It will prepare you for your Blessing.Seek to understand the other person.
Is Kenjangi... coincidence?
Caught up with Haewon at lunch. Like what's been happening...
Looked at group BART posters. So cool!
We played this 300 game. At first, I was like oh no... *sigh* not my thing...
Being Persians was boring, throwing newspaper balls at the Spartans, who got the crown once. And I thought being Spartan would be worse, hiding behind a cardboard shield and running through the Persians attacks and dying and going to bootcamp over and over. 20 jumping jacks, 10 pushups, and 10 spins.
But actually, it wasn't so bad. Being Spartan was all right ^^ Though I only made it to the safe zone with the crown with the others when there was 10 seconds left ^^;
Omgoooodness Masazumi is FAST O_o;
I won't share anything from Fort Sharing because it's confidential <3 Just that we finished the box of cookies in two minutes, before we even started talking and that our fort was the best XD
--------------------------------------------------------------
Rev. Thompson
Rocky (Ares), Dave, and Joshua lil play lol...
The Messiah comes tos et us free. Our job is to grow out of our old restrictions and become... full? He set you free, you have to move.
True Father is the champion of:
1) Knowing God
- "God is miserable, I want to stop his misery."
2) Knowing Satan
- Most people are "how can I get food to live?" while we are "how can I STOP eating." omg.
If Beatles had met the Messiah... Through music we can spread DP message. Music is a language spoken everywhere.
3) Human nature
- through study, intuition
4) spirit world
5) Jesus. he's the #1 christian
6) Bible
7) History
- We are the luckiest people in the world, living in the same time as the Messiah.
The secret to Cheon Il Guk:
"Love your wife & be a good daddy."
Temptations: Food, sleep, love
--------------------------------------------------------------
I felt so bad, I forgot it was our cleaning turn after dinner until the last minute! I'M SO SORRY!!!!
We were late to the award ceremony of the BART scavenger hunt! We got 2nd place OMG!!!! Ares group #6 won 1st, but it's okay because it was fun :D We watched groups' videos lol... I wish we could hear what they were saying... =\ Hanson's trophy was really cool!
I'm really short O_o;
The song leaders don't let us volunteer to go on stage anymore! They're going by groups! =( But even not singing on stage, singing "sailing with our father" was so moving... if I actually think about the words I'm singing, it's so beautiful. And seeing all my brothers and sisters singing these words too... with all their heart, really really...
"And we'll be sailing~~ with our Father..."
I don't have a girl's vocal range for some reason and I just wish I could reach the high powerful notes instead of falsetto. But I do the best I can even if my voice cracks, the heart is what matters (as well as at least slightly hitting the note... xp) and i was so stupid to not sing in past workshops and stuff. just clapping or whatever. i just couldn't break out of myself until now, really. I'm gonna miss singing with everyone. I can't wait for OHC.
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Mrs. Cotter
Daemonim can see your spiritual body when you walk through the gates of CP.
Mrs. Cotter is talking but my mind is wandering. I want to staff OHC middle school. I will try. Surely this workshop high will be gone within a week, but... I tell myself now, now now!! I PLEDGE TO STAFF MIDDLE SCHOOL OHC 2009.
What you put into something spirtually it is greatly affected. Like when you're cooking, and sing or chant "oishiku na~re" like in anpanman ^^;
Let your character shine *
When you wake up, even if it's not formal it's okay (but it'd be nice) to greet Heavenly Father. Every morning, open your eyes, and your first thought should be gratitude for being alive and breathing again. Say, "I want to see what You see. I want to say things to express love. I want to hear what You want me to hear, and do things You want me to do." And be sorry for bad things you saw and bad things you said. "Thank you. I did blah blah blah... did you see Heavenly Father?" :D Your life will be so shiny XD
---------------------------------------------------------
Finally, they let anyone who wanted to sing on stage and I went for sure. Renee, Mi Sook, Jean, Renate... we sang "I'll Never Leave You Anymore." I was okay until the last chorus. Then I couldn't sing anymore but just cry. Mi Sook hugged me. I stumbled back and just cried with a runny nose while Dave talked to us but I couldn't look up. The only thing I remember is that he's afraid that we won't come back. Have we had enough of a good moving experience to come back? For some reason I was so happy to see Jackson's hand go up (sitting in front of me) ^^; But Dave said he wasn't sure.
We repented on paper at 7 stations and also wrote goals for 2009. I felt so bad and cried a lot. We burned them outside. Please forgive me for everything wrong I did last year, Heavenly Father.
I followed the 2nd gen car in front of us to the Marina. The right path was blocked so we took a detour. Everyone was silent.
At the Marina, it wasn't even cold. No wind. Just a cool, refreshing stillness. We gathered in a huge circle. Ares had a white headlight. Eric had his guitar. We linked arms (Haewon, Jeungli) and sang As the Deer. If I think about the lyrics, I want to cry. But mostly I tried to sing with all my heart. Lily was singing close to us... so touching, heart warming... Swaying, a tight circle arm in arm. Connected. Ares' light went over the frosty/dewy grass and fog...
O Light of Grace.
When we started repeating the chorus in the end, and Ares was telling us how to sing... I wanted to sing so loud, so hard so bad but I couldn't stop crying. And just when (everyone else) couldn't sing any louder, we all closed in a really tight circle around Donny, Rebecca and Dan. I heard a lot of sniffling. I cried the whole time. So hurt, because God has been hurting... yet so warm, loved, safe... and sad and sorry, repenting...
Split up for the 21 minute prayer. It was harder to pray than in CP, but I did. Other than repenting, thanking and pledging... I prayed for the protection of BCs all over the world. I love them so much. I didn't know what else there is to pray about as important as that... the happiness, well-being of BCs...
"Uri-eh soweoneun tongil..."
We said our goodnights to Heavenly Father, the world, each other... drove home following Steven, being followed by Chris. One red light would NOT turn green so we took it red XD Drank hot chocolate, so warm... then good night...
[Day 5] Tuesday, December 30th
Sungil-oppa's Morning Service
Richie Rich (movie?)
You have to give first. Give and take starts from someone. You.
You can't change the little things your siblings do that you hate. You can only change yourself. SO give more. Look past flaws and be grateful for them, so you can grow. Pray when you're struggling. Then try hard to think of what you're grateful for. Your whole load will be lifted of. People never tire of receiving thanks =)
-----------------------------------------
I love my all-girl-group.
I will take care of my younger brothers and sisters.
Our group cleaned up outside. Garbage juice = GAHK ><;
Sat with Mike and Jeungli. Felt so relaxed, wonderful.
Reflection, sharing, Yara talking about horses. Super interesting! :D
Dan's story: "Hey, how much are your $20 roses?" XD ROFL
Hanson's birthday! Everyone sang with Eric's guitar, Ares leading.
Rev. and Mrs. Cotter talked to us.
Then testimonies.
First, brave, open and BCs that everyone knew went up. Renee, Dan Brown, Donny... Then I began getting thoughts, like of what to say. A couple ideas... but no no, I don't want to go up. I don't have to go up so I don't want to.
But no, my conscience kicked in, and for some reason, I knew I had to go up.
I forgot what I said and I think it was embarrassing, but I really, really wanted to just say, mostly... that I love everyone a lot... and then, I felt really good. Like... me.
Kaylie was so cool... deciding not to get into her routine "low" between workshops :D
Luke said "I love you" to God in his prayer and everyone was like AAWWWW :3
We (Renee, Jean, Mi Sook, Renate) got on stage for our final song. Jean hugged me for my testimony <3
Now was our final song. Channa said we always sing Journey because that's what we're going on after the workshop. Journey is such a tear-jerking song. I was okay. Again, until the last, last chorus. Then I couldn't sing anymore.
We prayed. I don't even remember who prayed. Ares? I was just crying with Renate and Mi Sook, who hugged me and told me it was okay.
Mansei led by Mitz. OG MANSEI!! OG MANSEI!!!!
Then everyone was hugging me and telling me they were proud of me. Yara, Haewon, Mika, Dorothy, Rebecca, Jeanina, Aunt Annie and Aunt Myrna, Debra (my testimony "made her life" omg...), and even Sean Calavan! I was so touched by everyone... I couldn't have done it... finally broken through to my real self without the suport and love of everyone through the past years... it took 18 years... I hope I can keep it up... and be the real me everywhere. More than me. As much as I was meant to be.
Instead of lunch, I hugged everyone goodbye and waited with Haewon and Mika. They were going first. Why couldn't they stay over at our house for a day? An hour? It was so sad...
I've seriously reconsidered living in Japan. I wanted to so badly before, but now... I don't want to be anywhere far away from all the BCs I know in California. I just want to be with these BCs that I love. I can't survive without them. I don't wanna go to the Korean concert in May anymore. I was obsessed about it but now it's dumb.
My brother ran after the green van, bringing LA BCs home. He and his friends ran down the street after them...
I miss everyone already.
Later, Justin told me that once, on stage, I had my arm over his teammate Marie while singing. She went back to the group and asked, "Hey Justin, do you have a little sister?" He answered, "Yeah, two. And one older, who you were with up there.... *lol*" and she was like "what!?" XD
Things that were important to me before the workshop are stupid now haha. I feel so good.
I just can't wait for One Heart Camp. My last one being a participant. My first OHC staffing (I hope). I miss everyone already so much. I can't wait for church next Sunday. I want to join junior STF am i too old?? =( I want to staff or do Il Shim again, in a couple weeks. My parents are going to the matching convocation in a couple months (not to match me. for info because i'm not ready ^^). I can't wait for more venturing outings to have fun with BCs. I can't wait to change the world with everyone.
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