The world has ended so many times over.
How... just how does it keep going so mercilessly?
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Epiphany
I had one today. After reading a couple good books, I'm realizing lots of things, and maybe even digging deep enough to find that first day, the true reason behind this debilitating disorder. It's nerve-rackingly eye opening, but liberating. Am I really figuring out my past? Can I actually move forward soon...????
Friday, February 4, 2011
New Year
Come on... come on...
Leave me alone please.
Come on.
For how long do you need to control me.
Steal my time and life from me.
How many years have you taken away already!!!
What did I do!!!
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!
LEAVE ME BE!!!!
I have so many things I want to do!! Stop, stop doing this to me, I don't want to care anymore, I don't!!!! How am I supposed to go on like this, because I can't, I can't go like this forever you know. I'm not gonna let you, you... you... just leave me alone!!! There are so many things that I want to be able to do, okay, so go away, go away just leave me alone please... How am I supposed to study abroad to Japan? What about visiting family in Wales? Traveling? Become a flight attendant? Huh? How, like this, TELL ME! How am I supposed to be ready for the matching and blessing, ever, like this... I've been trying so hard... I'm already 20... in the end it's me and only me who's going to get through it, and that's why it's so scary to be alone. I don't know how long it'll take, if it ever happens.
You keep stealing my dreams. How many more do you want to take.
I want them BACK.
It'll never be as bad as a couple years ago, it can never be as bad as that though sometimes it'd be more simpler if I returned to that... but all this progress, I don't want to waste it, I don't want to do a 180 but I doooooooonn'tt please, I do not, I'll do anything to not end up... end up... that.
Where are You, God?
Leave me alone please.
Come on.
For how long do you need to control me.
Steal my time and life from me.
How many years have you taken away already!!!
What did I do!!!
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!
LEAVE ME BE!!!!
I have so many things I want to do!! Stop, stop doing this to me, I don't want to care anymore, I don't!!!! How am I supposed to go on like this, because I can't, I can't go like this forever you know. I'm not gonna let you, you... you... just leave me alone!!! There are so many things that I want to be able to do, okay, so go away, go away just leave me alone please... How am I supposed to study abroad to Japan? What about visiting family in Wales? Traveling? Become a flight attendant? Huh? How, like this, TELL ME! How am I supposed to be ready for the matching and blessing, ever, like this... I've been trying so hard... I'm already 20... in the end it's me and only me who's going to get through it, and that's why it's so scary to be alone. I don't know how long it'll take, if it ever happens.
You keep stealing my dreams. How many more do you want to take.
I want them BACK.
It'll never be as bad as a couple years ago, it can never be as bad as that though sometimes it'd be more simpler if I returned to that... but all this progress, I don't want to waste it, I don't want to do a 180 but I doooooooonn'tt please, I do not, I'll do anything to not end up... end up... that.
Where are You, God?
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