Las Vegas

March 28 - 29, 2009
Aaaannd of course blogspot takes out all the formatting ARGH >:(

10:30pm
THE DRIVE THERE
San Leandro, California --> Las Vegas, Nevada
100+ members waited at church for the two buses. I thought about STF, and how I wasn't going to it. The past few weeks, everything is pointing to how awful of a decision it was for me to go to college right after high school. After sending in my scholarship essays and finally getting accepted at CSUEB, I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I wanna go to NGA!! Or STF!! Or service somewhere, somehow!!! Why, why, why did I go to college right away!! I want to gain experiences and strengthen my faith, and have colorful memories to share with my husband because, because... I want my husband to have done a year of service. I need to do one year too. But my mom told me... that it's okay, everyone has their own way.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Slept on an off on the bus (11:30pm - 10am), it was FREEZING, my neck ached, my back hurt, my legs were cramped, but at least I fell asleep to Super Junior's SORRY SORRY haha XD
We stopped around 7am at a McDonald's (I went there before, I'm sure of it!). I mean, we invaded it XD
Arrived at the hotel around 10:15am, waited in the lobby area for our room keys. Met up with lots of members!!! We got our key and went up to our 11th floor. My mom and I shared a room with the Osaka family. The view wasn't as I had hoped for, but it was okay... =\ I wanted to find the stairs but I couldn't!! I was so excited about the stairs goshdarnsitall, racing down... ;___;
THE ACTUAL EVENT
I SAW KINESHA!! WINNA!! MISOOK!! RON!! Omo I miss them so much already... Oh! And other people from Cheongpyeong, winter workshop (that I don't REALLY know, so I didn't talk to them), STF...
Hyung Jin Nim is so gentle and kind, and his words are softly encouraging.
In Jin Nim is gentle and kind too, and very close to us. Yes, usually I felt really far, like the True Family are superstars and I am a mortal, a nobody. But In Jin Nim really brings us closer, like one family under God, as we should be. I love In Jin Nim! <3
Kook Jin Nim was so funny!!! XD He was so grateful for our "warm welcome" because when people usually see him, they run XD They run away because if you have to talk to him in private, he's probably going to fire you!!
At the first event, with all the guests, we watched that well-known slide show. But it never gets old. I always want to cry when the Spirit music stars, and we see the people in Israel crying and hugging...
The person who spoke at the second event, to members only, before True Family was so funny, he kept saying "exciting" instead of "excited." Then both Hyung Jin Nim and In Jin Nim used that to joke and everyone laughed a lot XD
We watched a couple slideshows/movies about the Blessing (OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!! DAVID D'OR AND JUSTIN KIM!!!!! I had heard of Justin Kim before but not really his music, and then I heard "blessed child" in his beautiful, beautiful song and I wanted to run home to the computer and search and download it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) where Sharon, my friend from Cheongpyeong was loved by the camera!! :D Also, there was True Father, throwing cake LOL and In Jin Nim's barbeque with STF.
"What will you do with your life..."
We all stood and clapped and clapped, and then WOOSH!
My Il Shim ring flew off my finger.
GAH!!!
My first thought was oh no oh no oh no I neeeeeeeed that ring!! I need it to give it to my husband just like Deanne and Kwanchai did exchanging their Il Shim rings!!!! I can't get another one, it'd be so empty and cold and worthless!! Everything that's gone into that ring!! Everything, and everything I stand for!! NO NO NO!!!!!!!

I was on my knees in my skirt for the next ten minutes, searching and searching. Mie, Rie, Mrs. Osaka, my mom, and the people that sat by us were looking too, moving chairs, lifting table cloths, all to help me look for my ring.
One member (lots did, but this sir specifically) asked what I was looking for, and I said my ring. He asked where I was standing where I lost it, how hard I was clapping, what finger it was on, then began lifting chairs and looking around for me. He asked if we'd looked in our bags. I looked through mine three times before, and my mom looked in hers once, but we looked through again. And it was in my mom's bag!!
The man burst out laughing heartily. And after we all laughed, my mom shook his hand and asked for his name.
"??? Tidwell." (I forgot his first name)
I hope we can meet again so I can return his kindness ^^
AFTER THE EVENT
Dinner was a $15 per person buffet. Lots of members were there yay ^^
I was standing in line, waiting for my mom who had gone somewhere, when someone behind me said "yeah, service for peace!" I knew he was commenting on my shirt, and I looked around nervously.
He said hi, and I said hi, but then he looked closer at me and said he remembered me.
It turned out to be Mark!!! :D
~~~
We heard the Mori family singing happy birthday to Aika!! Then a few minutes later, staff of the buffet came out and sang with them again lol!!! :)
After dinner (I had mostly pizza ><;) my mom went to bed while I went with the Zinkes, Osakas, Watanabes and Vicky, Sueja, Toby and Mrs. Califano to the Las Vegas. I thought, we're in Las Vegas, why not see it for a few extra bucks?
I had no idea what the Las Vegas Strip was.
The crescent moon was hovering in the black sky over the brightly lit South Point hotel when we got on the first bus. We sat for a long time, I was wondering just how far we were going to have to go, when we realized we had missed out transfer spot. So ugh, we rode for a long time, then jumped off and got onto a double decker bus! :D We sat on the second floor of course.
We drove by the "pyramid" and "sphinx" that I didn't see really, then got off because traffic was sluggish. All together I think we were 16 people? Big group, mostly younger BCs. We walked around the streets, overwhelmed by the smell of smoke and beer.
The one store we entered was the M&M store. Stacks and shelves of rainbow colored products!! goodness graciousnesses. It was expensive. ??????! Then we kept walking.
I can sum up Las Vegas in one sentence, from what I saw that night.
I thought I was in the center of hell.
Streets and gutters littered with disgusting bits of advertisement, and the people standing and handing them out! To even young people!!!!!!! It was DISGUSTING. Guys that looked evil, smelled horrible, and needed to seriously wash their mouthes and brains out. Girls that needed some clothes, families that needed to get their children OUT of that atmosphere, billboards with gross ads, videos with sickening, flashy beer ads. People making out, dancing ugh, being drunk. I could hardly breathe, the odor was so harsh. My nose already bled twice today, seriously. I wanted out. I couldn't stop thinking, "soul selling."
There were good parts. The water show was amazing, beautiful <3 The lights and huge buildings were cool too!! But I was so afraid of being there. More than for myself, for my younger brothers and sisters there with me. I wish they didn't have to see it all.
I stuck so close to our group, anyone who was closest to me, I think I must've annoyed them. Closer then their shadow, lol... I wanted to see the lights and statues up above, but didn't want to lose anyone! I was so sure that one of our big group would get separated. I must've gotten on especially Mrs. Watanabe's nerves. Masazumi and Kouki too... ><;
We went into a casino to go to the bathroom, the Monte Carlo. It was in... "France" I think. In the women's room, my nose bled, again, for the third darn time. Really it hurt to breathe outside, I don't know what everyone else felt. I washed my hands and went outside, looking for the others.
Everyone was gone.
I put my glasses on quickly.
They were still gone.
And just being alone for those few seconds, people started looking at me. Me, the short, four-eyed t-shirt + granny capri wearing 18 year old, thought I was the center of attention in the world. I know I'm 18. I've been 18 for three months, physically. But honestly, in my mind, I'm still 13. I swear. I look like out on the outside, and I feel it on the inside. And I like looking young, but right now, I was kinda scared.
I ran down the thick red and gold carpet past the slot machines and scary people, and burst out into the night. I still couldn't see them anywhere. Thinking that maybe they forgot me and walked a little ways on (we were a big group), I ran down the steps and street.
I ran until there was a huge crowd of drinkers, smokers, scary people in on the sidewalk. I looked around but couldn't see anyone I recognized, and I thought that they couldn't have possibly gone that far yet. I didn't take that long in the bathroom! So I ran back up the stairs and went back to the casino. I stood just inside the automatic glass doors, fidgeting and trying to be invisible. I knew, I knew that we had only come to the casino to use the bathroom, so they should not be still there. I knew it, but I didn't know what else to.
This guy started coming towards the door. I stared down, pretending I was just waiting for my parents or something. Then the guy changed his steps to come directly to me. I was nervous yeah, but thank goodness, he turned away and just went outside.
Really, I felt like I was the center of the world and everyone was looking at what I was doing, lol. A 13 year old, in the casino, unaccompanied! So I left. I waited outside by the huge water fountain. Waited, looked around for a friendly, familiar face. leaned on the pillar thing and wrote in my journal, like how it was 11:15pm. But I thought I looked weird so I put my stuff away and just looked at the fountain.
I knew I was doing the only logical thing. Thank You, Heavenly Father for giving me the ability to think rationally and logically!!! I had laid out my options:
1) walk down the street, hoping to catch up to them
- that was stupid, there's like a million people out here! a million drunk people.
2) find a phone and call my mom to call Mrs. Zinke (because I didn't know her number)
- I hadn't seen any phones around but really, I am stingy. Even this stingy, yeah... not wanting to spend money while I'm lost in Las Vegas near midnight without a cell phone
3) take the bus back to the hotel
- but then they wouldn't know you were back, and might look for you! stupid idea, but last resort.
4) wait where they know they last saw you, and hope they will realize you're not there and come back
- the smart thing to do, right?
So I did!
I waited, and a guy came up from behind and stood next to me, looking down into the water of the fountain like I was. After a little bit, he spoke to me.
"You're not thinkin' of jumpin', are you...?" he asked, joking.
I laughed, relieved he was so friendly, and said no, no. He left.
I started praying, lol. Heavenly Father, please let me find some BCs, or please let BCs find me. Please let me find the Zinkes or please let the Zinkes find me...
And right when I was praying (with my eyes open, mumbling...) I saw a flash of black and white behind a thick white pillar.
OMO! Vicky was wearing stripes!!
I quickly walked, and...
Vicky and Kaori appeared and they hugged me and told the others by cell phone they found me.
SAVED!!!!!!!!!!! ^^;
I knew I was all right, the whole time, and even excited about something interesting happening to me, but I was relieved to be back with BCs. Together we walked back to the group, where Mrs. Hongo hugged me, everyone kinda stared at me, and Mie told me to get a cell phone and from now on, walk in front of her so she could see me at all times XD
I love them <3
We climbed the stairs to walk on the overpass to the castle, past the statue of liberty? By now, though, I had taken off my glasses. I didn't want to see anything I didn't have to. Truthfully, I have really bad eyesight, but never wear my glasses because I think I look more stupid than I already am. So... taking my glasses off, I really had to watch where I walked in the dark *happy* We walked to the bus station and finally sat down. I think everyone was expecting me to be traumatized and crying, or something... they looked really worried about me ^^; But really, I was perfectly fine. Just disgusted by everything around me, you know...
I closed my eyes and started falling asleep on the bus, but the driver called out "those of you on the second floor, this is your stop to transfer to South Point..." so we were all like huh? what? really! come on, we have to get off! So we began filing out, and the bus driver goes,
"That's your bus to South Point coming! Hurry up!" We stumble to the street in the night and a bus zooms by us and coasts to a stop a ways away. Our bus!!
Some strangers in the lead, calling at us to hurry up, then Masazumi, living up to his legend of speed, then me and everyone else, we ran across the street for the bus lol!!! It was so exciting and invigorating!!!! XD ADRENALINE XP
We made it haha ^^
I never thought I'd be so happy to see a hotel/casino by the time we returned. That's where we can close our eyes, rest ouf heads, and forget the real world for a few hours. And then, it's on again with God's will =)
We got back past midnight and there still members, BCs, wandering around the casino!!! I was surprised. We went in the same elevator up to go to bed =)
As horrible of a time I thought I had in the center of nightlife in Las Vegas, I know why God let me see. He showed me just how huge of a job we have in front of us. To get me ready to know what we're facing. Yeah... it's a pretty big, scary thing to look at. But... True Father believes we can change "Sin City" to the "Shining City" for families. In Jin Nim believes too. So I believe too. I don't know what to do, or how to do it and what I personally can do, but... I'll keep my eyes open and... and just try.
March 29th, 2009
Slept like a rock. Got up 9am, breakfast of senbei, go downstairs.
OOMG--!! Why are members GAMBLING!!!!!!! I was SHOCKED OUT OF MY MIND. I thought, I thought we hated gambling!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But then my mom told me it's "okay" to gamble, just not thousands of dollars and stuff. But still, I stubbornly shook my head and still am against gambling.
Mrs. Hongo hugged me again, her hug was so soft! and asked if I was all right, like I was traumatized from yesterday <3 Mrs. Zinke came up to me too.
"So, we've learned a lesson from yesterday. Don't go to the bathroom, right?" I laughed XD "Just kidding."
"Um... go faster...?" I tried. He laughed.
"I think we have to have a buddy system. That's the lesson." He said something about coming again, what kind of experience it was... but ended with how we're going home. "Go back to your music, Jenny."
I will, yes I'll continue to try at music... =)
Then Mrs. Frothingham comes to me, hugs me, and tells me "you (second generation) are the hope of True Parents, the future, and Las Vegas!" :D
We left Las Vegas on the bus around 10am. We tried to watch Jackie Chan but it didn't work. We stopped for lunch in this one town.
"It's windy out there, Jenny," Shinghi said.
LOL, it was hecka windy!!! I couldn't recognize the people around me because of their billowed clothes, wild hair and squinty eyes! Dust blew in our faces and my mom and I went to Subway. In the bathroom, I met Mrs. Barker!! :D We sat out of the wind in Mr. Denni's "oasis" behind a building before going back on the bus. The wind was pretty awesome, except for the dirt ^^
Drove and drove, listening to music, sleeping, taking pictures of outside. Stopped at a rest stop that I swear my family has stopped at before, my mom bought hot chocolate, it was still windy but now my teeth were chattering.
Other than chapped lips, I got home perfectly safe with everyone around... 8? I hope everyone isn't too exhausted still, and feel refreshed from seeing the True Family =)

Weekend

First of all, I live in NorCal.
I'm going to Las Vegas with my mom tonight!! Leaving almost at midnight, on a 50+ person bus!! Two buses!! Driving all night, eating breakfast on the road, getting to Las Vegas at lunch, and SEEING IN JIN NIM!!! OMO!! YAY!! :D And other True Family!!! For only 2 hours... then we have the whole day to ourselves in the big hotel. I dunno what we're gonna do... personally, I WANT TO SEE KINESHA!!! AND MEGUMI!!! AND EVERYONE ELSE I HAVEN'T SEEN IN SO LONG!!! :D And run up and down the stairs, racing everyone else in the elevator... and see the awesome view I HOPE WE GET LIKE THE 30TH FLOOR!!

I'll be back on Monday! =)
Don't worry, we don't gamble ^^
Then first to upload to youtube is SNSD Gee "Starlight Lullaby Piano Remix" I think. I'm so bad, I play popular songs MONTHS after they're popular, and no one wants to hear more piano versions of it. Smrr00 is super fast at that, and I lag behind haha... I always go astray and play the songs I feel like playing...

Anyway, thank You for today God <3

DBSK - BOLERO Collaboration!!!

xsilvermercury: guitar, "leader" mixer, uploader
keudae - piano xp

It was so fun and cool!!! We did a collaboration on youtube!!! My first ever, but he's super experienced and a crazy guitar player!!!!! I'm so excited LOL XD


Please watch:
[DBSK - Bolero Collaboration]

Stand Up

I finished your song yesterday, and uploaded it to Youtube, Heavenly Father. I'm sorry for the mistakes that I couldn't help, no matter how much I practiced. I don't know why you picked me to show that song to everyone, I hardly have the ability to get it out to that many people. But I did my best... I'm seeing what comes from it now, and hoping, just hoping...

Through music, maybe world peace will come sooner...?

[Stand Up]

I offer the song You gave me back to You, for it is Yours.

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This morning, the first thing I saw in the newspaper was an article about random passersby stopping a pursesnatcher. It was so awesome. I got so hyper, and it was early morning too! So happy, so happy!! The purse snatcher was stopped by random people coming out of the petsmart, including a 76-year-old man!!! And the victim (58 year old woman!) is okay =) It was so awesome I had to cut it out and paste to my wall :)

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Finished, finally, reading "Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry" today. Whenever I just think those words, I want to cry. Things have gotten better, in terms of equality of color and nationality, but there's still a long way to go... That book was good though :) I read it after making the offering table at church for tomorrow's True Parent's Day.

And then, Las Vegas! I hope enough people will be mobilized for the events. Mobilized. Mobilized. That word is so exciting! It sounds like a Moonie word XD Mobilize our peace army!! ON GUARD!

It was too big to fit in my profile

If I had one wish, I would wish to be able to speak all the languages in the world so I could help the separated world unite again.
But I know I can't wish like that. So I'm doing what I CAN do. I'm studying, starting with Japanese and Korean. Next will be Chinese and Spanish. I know how hard it is, but I have to do it. I hope I have the strength and determination to complete my life goals. There are so many languages I won't be able to touch... Hebrew, Italian, Welsh, French, Russian, German... but there is only so much I can do. Maybe, someday, become one little bond between countries in some way.

My role models:
Hyung Jin Moon. He knows 10+ languages.
Park Yoochun. Korean, Japanese, English fluency.
Mrs. Ogiwara. One of the kindest people I know. I think her brain is set to seek out any and every way she can help the people around her, the small things.

Isn't the purpose of life to be happy? If I make other people happy, I'll be incredibly happy and satisfied with my life. I hope I can help sow seeds of unity, friendship and love with what I, and only I can do.


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When I asked God what, oh what could I do to help His world and suffering, completely begged him to tell me in this strange breakdown I had last month... I was thinking third world country volunteering, NGA, homeless shelter volunteering or something, anything physical and doable! But in my head... I couldn't get it out... and He gave me... a song. A song. Right now I am working to perfect His song. I hope I can express it right, fully. How can He trust me with His song? I'm not a good musician, I--I am horrible at classical and strict technique, not to mention knowledge about chords, progression and emotion! I can't even sing, and He gave me a song with LYRICS!! I know I used to ask Him for original songs that I could show the world for Him, but now, so much later, unexpectedly...

I am just hoping I can do my absolute best with His song, that he has trusted me to show the world. What... what do I expect from it? How will I know if I succeeded? If I get 20,000,000 views, contracts, gigs, awards, websites, fansites, tv shows, magazine interviews?

No.

But I don't know what to think, to expect.

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Today was so long. It feels like three days. Partly the fault belongs to English class, argh! My brain melted from hours at the computer on Yeats' poetry *Dead* Now I'm working it off with "Be Prepared" by Benjy Gaither from the Hoodwinked soundtrack haha XD

"Ooooooh an avalanche is coming and I do not feel prepared..." XXDD

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I've got to get my act together.

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I can't wait to go to Las Vegas this weekend!! I know I'm kinda guilty because what I'm most looking forward to is not the actual speech, but the awesome overnight bus ride, huge hotel with pool, elevator (HAHA), and many BCs and church members (I HOPE TO SEE KINESHA OMGGG!!!) and hanging out with Mie! We're sharing a hotel room, our families yay! It's going to be so fun. I hope it's warm there, California's weather is so stupidly crazy right now, I don't like it.

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I always stress about "omg, what if I had the chance to play a grand piano at a hotel lobby, or at college this fall! what song would I play, the first song ever on grand piano!? what if I messed up!! what if someone important was watchin!! GAH I NEED TO PRACTICE THE PERFECT SONG RIGHT NOW!!" like that..

"perfect songs for grand piano" according to me, as of right now:
Moriyam Naotarou - Sakura (my most favorite song in the world now and forever since five years ago) [Workin' on it!]
Yiruma songs (any!)
Naomi Shemer - Lu Yehi. My mom went to Israel several years ago, and bought David D'or's CD, "with the Philharmonic." I stole it from her and listened to it for DAYS. Then I lost it. GAH! I loved it so much. And I listened to a track from it for the first time YESTERDAY, and started crying and crying... Lu Yehi is a keeper. One of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard.
Declan Galbraith's rendition of Auld Lang Syne. I cried when I heard this too. 8 years old, with the voice of an angel. Amazing. [workin' on it]

Huh... that's all I can think of *I think I'm getting a headache*

One last thing before good night to no one who reads this lol!!

They're leaving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!
I'm not supposed to be happy, but I can't help it.

I need to get myself together =)

Solia $73? Silk Infusion / Herbal Essences / Garnier Fructis goodness I go crazy at all the choices that I have no idea about. Even mayo and egg recipes. I chickened out though ^^; I like rambling all over the place in a way that only I can understand, but even one year later I'll look back and not understand what the heck I was talking about haha XP

music again

I start crying when I just read the lyrics (romaji-ish... not this.) How I wish I could read and understand truly, in my heart:

לו יהי, לו יהי אנא
לו יהי כל שנבקש לו יהי

Picture me listening and reading the translation. Even without translation, it's beautiful. So beautiful, moving, heart-wrenching, uplifting, just...

Hopeless

Acai Burn?
Risky I dunno I don't think so sounds fake.
The way that girl did with milk as her grandmother's dying wish, before she committed suicide at the hands of the ELFs after taking a picture with Super Junior?
Already tried that.
Maybe skip school and work out, trampoline all day, only going inside for meals and bathroom.
I gotta become an interpreter, though.

Someone come save me before I snap one of these days and chop off all my hair, run away and walk blindly across America, and/or be homeless on purpose so I can't eat whenever I want to.

Save me from myself.

Oops

I just looked through 1800 pictures of Kim Junsu from 6 - 9am.

Almost Summer

The past two days have been like pre-summer days!! Soooooo warm with wonderful evenings. Today was so fulfilling! :D 5am hoon dok he at church, recorded THREE piano videos for youtube (including beautiful life, which has been killing me), finished another English lesson, watched episode 21 of boys before flowers! raked more cut grass from the front lawn, plucked the grass from between the bricks, exercised for 22 minutes (lame but toturous) and sweated lol. lipsynching to super junior's "sorry sorry" KYAAAAAAaa SO AWESOME. then wonderful shower, tried out windows movie maker on beloved laptop ^^ now watching american idol. that was heartbreaking when michael told the story of his daughter... ;____________;

ZETTAI NARUZE.

Just listen

If you want to be helplessly moved to tears...
Just listen.

Should autoplay, that imeem player to the right -->
Please listen.

Declan Galbraith - Auld Lang Syne

And once again here we are,
family and friends from afar,
Sharing our hopes and our dreams,
Laughing at old memories

So when that old song starts,
Everyone sing from the heart.

Let's sing...
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind,
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
For the sake of auld lang syne.

Dancing as one, holding hands,
Like people all over the land,
Greeting a friend with a smile,
World is at peace for awhile

So when that old song starts,
Everyone sing straight from the heart.

Let's sing...
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind,
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
For the sake of auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my friends,
For auld lang syne,
We'll take a cup of kindness yet,
For the sake of auld lang syne.

For auld lange syne, my friends,
For auld lange syne,
We'll take a cup of kindness yet,
For the sake of auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my friends,
For auld lang syne,
We'll take a cup of kindness yet,
For the sake of auld lang syne.

For auld lange syne, my friends,
For auld lange syne,
We'll take a cup of kindness yet,
For the sake of auld lang syne.

오늘

아이고.

Piano

Gah I really want to play Boys Before Flowers OST on piano for youtube now! ><;

OMG Melissa, if you see this (I'm not on youtube right now and I'm lazy so...) OMG I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD SING UNTIL RIGHT NOW, I only just heard your Nobody cover at your site, and OMG I thought it was like, a solo version of one of the WG!!! YOU'RE SO GOOD I'M MAD JEALOUS!!!!!!! Your voice is so nice!!!! Omg... I'm really excited hyper right now... XD

News

Wow, I don't feel too good this morning. Last night couldn't sleep until past 2am. Tried to fall asleep after finishing the whole Frankenstein book, listening to Auld Lang Syne on repeat, and playing tetris on my ipod. Random rambles of Korean kept bouncing around in my head after watching three hours of Boys Before Flowers yesterday. Then had to wake up at 7:30 to drive my brother, then ate too much breakfast that my sister made for me (but it was yummy ^^) and now I'm just feeling awful because I'm nervous. About tomorrow. Yeah, last night I was called and asked to play piano for Sunday Service tomorrow. It's not... I'm not nervous about the actual piano playing part, because... I actually believe in and trust myself on that, being able to play whatever song the worship band decides on. But... but...

Aish.

I will miss Korean class. And we were going to make 떡볶이, a special class! =/ I might miss tribes too, my beloved friends...! But... piano... for the congregation... I said yes so quickly to Ritz-oppa. Well, I don't regret it. I love piano, and if I can play for God, then I'm doing something good =)

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I have too many to do lists. Like three on the computer, three on paper, and then many many lists of what to do in summer, what to do for school, future, preparation, blah blah... I like lists too much, and it's not even helping me ><;

Big things!
WE GOT A BEAUTIFUL LAPTOP. I AM ON IT NOW. I LOVE IT. IT'S SO FAST. IT'S SO CLEAN. I CAN USE IT SITTING ON THE COUCH. I CAN WATCH BOYS BEFORE FLOWERS FULL SCREEN. I WANT TO NAME IT 이정. AFTER BOYS BEFORE FLOWERS F4 MEMBER THAT SHOULD BE WITH 가을, WHO IS REALLY KIM SO EUN, WHO IS SO PRETTY I WANT TO BE LIKE HER.

2nd, my mom and sister are officially going to Japan in May, until June! And I'm actually okay and not completely furious that I can't go to! I'm actually happy and can't wait until they leave, so I can nearly have the house to myself for a month haha! It's going to be awesome. Everyone will be happy. Well, maybe not Jake. Misa is his favorite person. And I hate him at times ><;

Piano... I want to make it more important. First, ten years ago, it was something I HAD to do because of my mom (being half Asian I guess...). But I WAS the one who said Ooooh I wanna play piano! One random day.

I never knew piano would eventually be like this for me. If I didn't play piano, GAH I can't even imagine! 3900+ subscribers on youtube, listening to my piano playing; playing for church things; playing for choir; learning how to play by ear! Omo... it's so unbelievable... could God have given me piano without a greater reason for me to play? I wonder if I'll be famous someday. Haha! *daydream* I really want to have piano in my life, everyday life at that. But here I am, striving to be a Japanese (and eventually Korean, Chinese and Spanish) interpreter. Long way to go, no matter what happens ^^;

I can't wait for summer! I've been working super hard on my English schoolwork and finished Frankenstein in three days! Writing up the last assignments now, then I have to watch Mill on the Floss and write about that, then several more lessons and I'm done with high school!! :D It's not that easy though lol... but still, I want to finish by April! Then summer vacation for 2 1/2 extra months!! Before...

College O_o;

Happenings...

Yesterday, I found Declan Galbraith.
Well, that should sum him up. Yeah, that's how good he is. Or... was...

Auld Lang Syne, Amazing Grace, Tell Me Why...
They're the exact songs I needed to hear. And sung by a child... so moving... I cried...

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At choir, we practiced more Ose Shalom. I need to get moving on the piano accompaniment. But then Mrs. Zinke showed me a song she liked and asked me to play it so she could just sing it right there, for fun. Santo, Santo, Santo.

I fell in love with that song. It has three chords. It's so simple. But it's so beautiful. If I mix in a few more chords and variations, I thought I made it into a nice piano version...

I want to play piano to move people's hearts!!

I want to complete the song God gave to me several days ago, and somehow show everyone who will listen! But I can't sing... I can't sing.. especially not in the key He gave it to me in... I need to ask someone... a friend... to sing it for me... so that maybe, it'll be heard, and so maybe I can stop being useless and do something for the people in third world countries... when I asked and begged God to tell me how to help all those poor people in the world... all I could think of was NGA. But it was too late for me to sign up, after everything I did to go to college. But He didn't tell me NGA. He gave me a song. Seriously, it just poured out onto the paper before me, everything but a bridge. I didn't have time to finish because of Il Shim, so... a couple nights ago I finished the song. All the lyrics, but I just have to finalize the melody of the bridge. I like it. I love it. It's almost like Declan's "Tell Me Why" except not that amazing. I have a long way to go before I can really, really express God's music. I need to develop my music skills so that whenever God gives me a song, I can show it well...

Can I show the world...?

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I was accepted into college today.
It's really scary. I'm so afraid. I don't want to grow up. I don't want to go to a public college after seven years of homeschooling! I can't even walk down the street without being stupid and unsocial, and avoiding eyes and wanting to be invisible. 진짜 무섭다.

Waving Hello = <3

I've always wanted to wave to those poor people wearing green cloth Statue of Liberty outfits, waving the sign for the employee around. I don't even remember what the sign says, after so many times of driving past them lol!

Well today, while driving to the Chinese market, I saw it: my chance! I wanted to wave to Liberty Guy! :D

I waved frantically, my mouth open in hopeful exaggeration. He wasn't gonna see, noooo! But then right when we passed, he looked up and saw, and his mouth curved up in a disbelieving grin and he let go of his sign to wave back.

I was so hyper with gleeful energy all day after that XD I was so happy!!!! I carried the 50lb. bag of rice from the store, talked to my mom in Japanese kya! XD Called my Korean teacher and did my homework (I had been terrified of this "leave a message in Korean" homework) just fine, helped my dad fix the car window (gah, so frustrating, though ><;), recorded (currently uploading) You Can guitar tutorial GAH I GIVE UP, I WON'T REFUSE EVERYONE ANYMORE X_________________X; and I think it all started with the good condition of going to church for 5am hoon dok he again this morning ^^; Even though my brain was wandering the whole prayer time... -___-;

I want to be a happy person. ALWAYS, always smiling. 항상 웃고 있는 사람. Not only that, but someone who makes others smile too...

I have a long way to go, starting with getting rid of all my fears and insecurities *fighting* I have a plan. And it starts pretty soon. If I succeed, I will be ready to tell my parents that I'm ready to be matched by the end of summer vacation =)

Sunday

My legs ache and burn so much after yesterday's garbage picking ><;

Yesterday was another Sunday I couldn't control.

Kim So Eun is so beautiful...

꽃보다 남자 K-Drama / AI

I'M ADDICTED GAH!! My little sister and I watch it every day at lunch break, but we're still on episode 6!! Because my whole family shares one computer with internet access ><; I wish we could watch it on TV! Big screen and nobody else around!! :D The music is still, okay... the characters are FINALLY growing on me. Japanese Hana Yori Dango I thought couldn't be beaten, it was our absolute favorite Asian drama! And at first, the Korean version was so weird, but finally I'm getting to really, really like it. This one scene in episode 5 I think, OMG SO, SO.... ;fa;bn;iasjdbfwonskdjf XD

And... last night's American Idol!
The ending was so amazing! Simon says "And we've recently decided to make it a top 13" and Anoop is in YESSSSSSSH!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sad Arianna didn't make it though... and Nathaniel! Noooooo... ;____;
In the top 13, I root for Jorge, Adam, Danny, Matt, Scott, Kris and Lil Rounds =) But I don't have an absolute favorite like last year... David Archuleta is the one and only ^^ Though recently I've been listening to David Cook a lot XD

Kidnap My Heart

LOL! My little sister and I watched "Taking 5" from the library, randomly it just caught my eye and even though the acting was kinda sad aha, it was okay because of the plot, music, and band! We love "kidnap my heart" XD

First day of my new "job" of helping little neighbor with his homework ^^ Kenta's so cute! And he's a good reader ^^

Recorded first rough draft of 8eight's song that I'm obsessed with. I really, really want to make it a good, moving piano version for everyone. I don't know how many k-pop fans know this song, or band even. I didn't know about them until my brother's friend told my brother who told me, and then I was crazy about their song and everything... I'm so excited I uploaded the awfully messed up rough draft unfinished piano version lol that no one will download ^^

Download
8eight - 사랑을 잃고 난 노래하네 (Forget About Love and Sing)
piano version by keudae @ youtube (my er... "stage name" haha!)

*sigh*
I want to play piano beautifully, and move people. Lots of people. I want to touch people. I have so far to go. I try to play with my heart, but when I focus on emotion my fingers fumble and the skill factor drops... ;____; I'm trying really hard on this song. A real, piano version. I want to be proud of it as much as I am of SHINee's "Replay" and "Doushite," and... oh that's all =\

I have five subscribers on my chord blog! OMG! XD Where I just put chords that I figure out! So happy x3 And on youtube, omg it's CRAZY, I haven't signed in for a week yet I've gotten like 80+ in a week O_____O;

I CAN'T DISAPPOINT EVERYONE!!!!!!! ;_______;

Mountains and Valleys

That's what life has been, yeah...

Valleys:
- Sunday (2.22)
- Monday (2.23)
- Thursday
- Friday

Mountains:
- Tuesday
- Friday
- Saturday
- Sunday (3.1)

Il Shim was the best thing recently. If it hadn't been for me in church things like Il Shim and tribes, I would say I wasted the whole past two months ><; I haven't been studying. I'm terrified of Jr. STF I dunno why I said yes I'm serious about it, but yes I do know but now I don't think like that and I'm just really bored and feel useless all day.

Yesterday, the most exciting thing was the racoons. Yeah, in the past month, I've seen five racoons. They're terrifying! One while driving at 11pm, another on our neighbor's roof, and yesterday, three raccoons on our porch eating our cat's barf! My sisters and I screamed our lungs out when our mom opened the door while the racoon was right there! And our dog went after it!!! Because we know they're vicious and my mom DIDN'T OMG!!! But Jacob is okay. Good boy, Jakey, good boy wanting to get those raccoons but don't because you'll get hurt!

I love all our little neighbors. They actually listen to what I say when I'm talking to them! Unlike someone... who was one of my valleys last week...

AGH! Rain, sun, rain sun rain sun rainsunrain sunrainsun omg just please, TURN INTO SUMMER ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The funnest thing yesterday, was going to the library with my little sister and after getting some stuff, we played on the swings!! It was really nice. That aws the time of "sun" so the sky was blue <3 if we look up while swinging, we got dizzy XD

I randomly realized yesterday, that there is a very good chance that my old school friends from 5th grade are still around and I might see them randomly. Or maybe at college, when I finally return to the real world from my seven year hideout. Not just friends but nonfriends too. That would be bad. Really, really bad. I only have two of those so that's good. But still. I don't like to think about it. But at the same time I like to think about it and manipulate what happens and make it happen my way.

Last night I took the 5 love language quiz my mom brought home from the convocation a month ago, and I knew it I knew it already, I was "acts of service." Second though, just one point behind was "quality time." surprising. Maybe that's why I'm always trying to get "family movie" and "game" nights going at our house but it never works and I feel really sad. Like last night. My sister and I watched the Incredibles by ourselves. I liked that animation short, "Boundin'"! It was really good! But we hate, HATE awful library dvds that stop and pause and don't work because of all the scratches! I wanted to scream. We missed lots of the movie because we had to skip whole sections. Was it even worth it? Dash is so funny.

I can't wait until summer I can't wait until summer I don't wanna go to college because I'm scared but i think it's okay I just wanna make this summer so good I've made like five lists of what I want to do my family's list of what I didn't talk to them about wanting them to do, my goal list, my preparing for summer list and my playlist. That's four hmm... =\

This morning it hailed! It was AWESOME!!!!

Orbitrek = torture ;_______________;

I wanna go to the new walmart! Just to see! :D

I hope I win the scholarship *pleasepleaseplease*

My little sister and I are watching Boys over Flowers, Korean version! We LOVE LOVED Hana Yori Dango so we're trying this one out. So far, it totally completely does NOT meet our standard. Japanese was too awesome. We loved Tsukushi, and Hanazawa Rui lol!! Korean so far has a long way to go. It's really different... in a good/bad way? I dunno yet haha ^^ We loved Hana Kimi too, and Nodame Cantabile. I wish we could watch Asian dramas on TV, not dumb little youtube with the laggy sound and video. I think it's just our slow computer though. I still want to destroy it.

Piano is like almost a drag these days... it's taken me months, working on Beautiful Life and I'm still not finished perfecting it. I perfected Sarangeul Ilko Nan Noraehane in a couple hours omg. I'm addicted.

I should study. Summer will come faster if I finish. Summer comes when I am done with English, actually. Only *checks* 16 more lessons to go.