やせないと。
キレイにならないと。
日本人にならないと。
料理を上手にならないと。
いい娘にならないと。
いい姉ちゃんにならないと。
いい奥さんにならないと。
いいお母さんにならないと。
いい友達にならないと。
ピアノを上手に弾かないと。
幸せを見つけないと。
人生の意味を満たさないと。
日本に行かないと。
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Maybe I can't take it anymore.
How much do I suck at being a genuine human being?
Maybe enough to lock myself in my house and stop trying, stop trying to be someone. Instead of being famous, today I wanted to be invisible. What about beautiful, talented and invisible? That would be nice. I could be happy with myself, I could see everyone else happy without me, and everything would be dandy. I think everyone hates me. I can't do anything right. I have nothing. I'll become nothing at this rate, no matter how hard I try.
Why not stop trying. Just stop. Everything.
Chopping bamboo forests down is good for my anger and frustration and despair. I can chop with the loppers and snap and break and stomp on all the bamboo that I hate seeing in my yard. All the while, getting cuts and bruises and bleeding and itching and getting sunburn. Pain felt good today. Bleeding felt and looked good. Like, look, someone pity me. And no one does, so... I don't know why I like being sad. Do I like being in pain? Being a nobody and feeling useless, worthless. No matter how happy I think I get, it's taken away in a second and I don't think I've ever once felt true happiness. I am waiting for the day I can find true happiness and satisfaction with myself, in this life.
Right now, Epik High is singing and rapping the deepest emotions of my life. I should by Tablo-sshi's book. I wanted to go to Utada Hikaru's CD signing in San Francisco on Thursday, but, of all times, we are going on a big road trip across the USA on Tuesday. Just like the two concert locations that I could actually attend David Archuleta's concert, I will be in LA, this summer. I'm cursed.
Yeah, I'm cursed. That's what it is. Maybe my ancestors are at the bottom of this. My negative self esteem. Gah, I don't think I'll become a cutter, but it's not like I'm trying to prevent these cuts and bruises from chopping bamboo and exercising too much...
I'm cursed in several ways. One is too embarrassing to mention. 2nd, when I drive, no one is behind me. If they are, they are tailgating me. For some reason, people don't drive behind me. I bet it's a bad thing. 3rd, when I am around, my dad messes up on whatever he is doing. I swear, this is true. I show up to help, and he measures a piece of wood wrong on the shed, or forgets something somewhere.
I wish I could express emotions into amazing songs like Epik High.
To Colorado, on a road trip.. for some reason. Maybe I can find myself. I thought I knew who I was, but I don't like her. I've been trying to hard to change her, but it's not working. I wonder why God made me like this, or is it my fault? I wish I could go back to my childhood and live in blissful ignorance of everything. It's selfish, but I'm too afraid, I can't help it. I am afraid, I am not ready to grow up, I don't know what to do, I am a nobody.
Maybe enough to lock myself in my house and stop trying, stop trying to be someone. Instead of being famous, today I wanted to be invisible. What about beautiful, talented and invisible? That would be nice. I could be happy with myself, I could see everyone else happy without me, and everything would be dandy. I think everyone hates me. I can't do anything right. I have nothing. I'll become nothing at this rate, no matter how hard I try.
Why not stop trying. Just stop. Everything.
Chopping bamboo forests down is good for my anger and frustration and despair. I can chop with the loppers and snap and break and stomp on all the bamboo that I hate seeing in my yard. All the while, getting cuts and bruises and bleeding and itching and getting sunburn. Pain felt good today. Bleeding felt and looked good. Like, look, someone pity me. And no one does, so... I don't know why I like being sad. Do I like being in pain? Being a nobody and feeling useless, worthless. No matter how happy I think I get, it's taken away in a second and I don't think I've ever once felt true happiness. I am waiting for the day I can find true happiness and satisfaction with myself, in this life.
Right now, Epik High is singing and rapping the deepest emotions of my life. I should by Tablo-sshi's book. I wanted to go to Utada Hikaru's CD signing in San Francisco on Thursday, but, of all times, we are going on a big road trip across the USA on Tuesday. Just like the two concert locations that I could actually attend David Archuleta's concert, I will be in LA, this summer. I'm cursed.
Yeah, I'm cursed. That's what it is. Maybe my ancestors are at the bottom of this. My negative self esteem. Gah, I don't think I'll become a cutter, but it's not like I'm trying to prevent these cuts and bruises from chopping bamboo and exercising too much...
I'm cursed in several ways. One is too embarrassing to mention. 2nd, when I drive, no one is behind me. If they are, they are tailgating me. For some reason, people don't drive behind me. I bet it's a bad thing. 3rd, when I am around, my dad messes up on whatever he is doing. I swear, this is true. I show up to help, and he measures a piece of wood wrong on the shed, or forgets something somewhere.
I wish I could express emotions into amazing songs like Epik High.
To Colorado, on a road trip.. for some reason. Maybe I can find myself. I thought I knew who I was, but I don't like her. I've been trying to hard to change her, but it's not working. I wonder why God made me like this, or is it my fault? I wish I could go back to my childhood and live in blissful ignorance of everything. It's selfish, but I'm too afraid, I can't help it. I am afraid, I am not ready to grow up, I don't know what to do, I am a nobody.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Here I am...
...this is me... ♫♪
Just kidding XP
Anyway, I am here, at 12:35am, on youtube, obsessed. I'm seriously insane, I think. Staring at the viewcount on the video I just uploaded. I'm so stupid.
I WAS SO HAPPY KRIS WAS SENT TO SAFETY FIRST OMG, I DIDN'T WATCH THE REST OF THE EPISODE XD
Tomorrow morning half my family is going to Japan!! for a month!! Leaving me, my brother and my dad. And our dog. I'm not jealous though... I have a lot do to here.
My priorities:
1. Lose weight.
2. Lose weight and try to be pretty.
3. Stand by You piano version
3. DBSK's album piano versions
3. Study Japanese and Korean like crazy.
I'm so happy. I can record without static now ;_____;
Just kidding XP
Anyway, I am here, at 12:35am, on youtube, obsessed. I'm seriously insane, I think. Staring at the viewcount on the video I just uploaded. I'm so stupid.
I WAS SO HAPPY KRIS WAS SENT TO SAFETY FIRST OMG, I DIDN'T WATCH THE REST OF THE EPISODE XD
Tomorrow morning half my family is going to Japan!! for a month!! Leaving me, my brother and my dad. And our dog. I'm not jealous though... I have a lot do to here.
My priorities:
1. Lose weight.
2. Lose weight and try to be pretty.
3. Stand by You piano version
3. DBSK's album piano versions
3. Study Japanese and Korean like crazy.
I'm so happy. I can record without static now ;_____;
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Kris VS. Adam
I can't believe what happened on Idol tonight. What the judges said.
WTH was Kara THINKING!?
This was one of Kris's best performances ever. It blew me away. His vocals were awesome, his arranging skills are crazy, I mean, omg I'm so angry right now.
I'm a die-hard Kris fan now. Sorry, Adam.
Kris's surprised face at the judge's criticisms... OMG DID THEY SEE THE SAME PERF WE DID?? KRIS WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIS VOICE BEATS OUT EVERYONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!! For the past few weeks Adam has been losing points with me and finally, tonight, it's official.
I'm voting for Kris until the end.
WTH was Kara THINKING!?
This was one of Kris's best performances ever. It blew me away. His vocals were awesome, his arranging skills are crazy, I mean, omg I'm so angry right now.
I'm a die-hard Kris fan now. Sorry, Adam.
Kris's surprised face at the judge's criticisms... OMG DID THEY SEE THE SAME PERF WE DID?? KRIS WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIS VOICE BEATS OUT EVERYONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!! For the past few weeks Adam has been losing points with me and finally, tonight, it's official.
I'm voting for Kris until the end.
Praying...
Junsu-sshi, stand again, soon... <3
Isn't is kind of ironic... that at the exact same time we are all introduced to DBSK's July single, "Stand by You," Junsu sprains his ankle and can't stand anymore?
Rest, rest, and get better oppa...
Isn't is kind of ironic... that at the exact same time we are all introduced to DBSK's July single, "Stand by You," Junsu sprains his ankle and can't stand anymore?
Rest, rest, and get better oppa...
I just need to store this here for a little bit...
준수오빠... Junsu-sshi...
I am praying for you to heal quickly, and to not be in pain... please get better soon. 사랑합니다. We all do ♥
----------------------
★こんにちは, I'm Jenny =)
★PROUD BC ♥
★I love every kind comment I receive on my videos and channel. Thank you so much! And responses are simply the best.
★ I am sorry for all the requests I will not be able to fulfill! =( And messages I take forever in replying! I SWEAR I will eventually reply! I am busy right now...
★I am a girl. 18. Half Japanese, half British. Keyboard: Kurzweil SP88X
★Practicing... NO PROMISES ^^;
[DBSK - The Secret Code ♥♥♥]
♥ Survivor ♥ Kiss the Baby Sky ♥ 忘れないで ♥ Beautiful You
I just heard "Stand by You." Omo ♥
★Why I started playing by ear:I am praying for you to heal quickly, and to not be in pain... please get better soon. 사랑합니다. We all do ♥
----------------------
★こんにちは, I'm Jenny =)
★PROUD BC ♥
★I love every kind comment I receive on my videos and channel. Thank you so much! And responses are simply the best.
★ I am sorry for all the requests I will not be able to fulfill! =( And messages I take forever in replying! I SWEAR I will eventually reply! I am busy right now...
★I am a girl. 18. Half Japanese, half British. Keyboard: Kurzweil SP88X
★Practicing... NO PROMISES ^^;
[DBSK - The Secret Code ♥♥♥]
♥ Survivor ♥ Kiss the Baby Sky ♥ 忘れないで ♥ Beautiful You
I just heard "Stand by You." Omo ♥
One day I just got fed up with being so dependent on sheet music, so I sat at my acoustic piano (right next to my neighbor's wall) while blasting Rising Sun (DBSK) and didn't stop playing until I figured out the song :) I recommend this technique to anyone and everyone ^^
★I play music because...
- it's fun, and I love it ^^
- to entertain others
- to support the singers/musicians I love (DBSK, Super Junior, w-inds., Moriyama Naotarou, k-pop j-pop c-pop fighting! XD)
- to help others learn (piano tutorials...)
- to encourage peace and friendship through sharing the same love of music...
- to try to make my family and community proud ♥
★ 제가 사랑하는 가수들은...
♥ 동방신기 --준수오빠~♥
♥ 슈퍼주니어 --예성오빠♥
♥ w-inds.
森山直太郎, Big Bang, David Archuleta, WaT, Se7en, Angela Aki, 嵐, Yui, ,SHINee ♥, ayaka, Lead... など♥
------------
★ You are free to download and use any of my audio/video, with proper credit :) Just one thing, please don't re-upload my stuff (video / audio)! I don't see the point of that. I am here, uploading to youtube, so why upload a song AGAIN? Okie? Thanks you... =)
★My summer goal is to be able to show how I look (for everyone, I'm so sorry that I'm 'mysterious'! I don't mean to be =\) in a piano or dance video, maybe if I can perfect Sorry Sorry or Mirotic (after a major makeover LOL) :D
New CDs (two weeks ago...)
My batch of CDs from YesAsia, a couple weeks ago! :D
Super Junior's 3rd album, SORRY SORRY (versions A & B). Version B for me, A for my friends' birthday ^^
Some photos of the inside of Version B.
More photos, version B only.
DBSK's "The Secret Code"!!!!! XD I got a little Jaejoong card ^^ I've never gotten Junsu... =(
Oh yeah, I got the Korean version because 1) it has Korean translations of the lyrics and 2) it was cheaper xp
Share the World!!! LOVE AT FIRST LISTEN OMGGG XD I got Yunho's card~ :D
All four CDs from my batch ^^ $54 total :P
Super Junior's 3rd album, SORRY SORRY (versions A & B). Version B for me, A for my friends' birthday ^^
Some photos of the inside of Version B.
More photos, version B only.
DBSK's "The Secret Code"!!!!! XD I got a little Jaejoong card ^^ I've never gotten Junsu... =(
Oh yeah, I got the Korean version because 1) it has Korean translations of the lyrics and 2) it was cheaper xp
Share the World!!! LOVE AT FIRST LISTEN OMGGG XD I got Yunho's card~ :D
All four CDs from my batch ^^ $54 total :P
Monday, May 4, 2009
준수오빠!!!!!
I HOPE YOU'RE OKAY NOW!!!!!! I can't believe it...
Break my leg instead, so you can be fine... ;__;
Break my leg instead, so you can be fine... ;__;
Recently
I love DBSK's new leaked song. It's so beautiful. Stand by You. Hope I can do it justice. It's so pretty, it's making me cry right now, even though I can't hear the words (such LQ).
-----------------
Sunday was painful.
Sunday evening was absolute torture.
-----------------
I played a grand piano on Friday. At UC Berkeley. It was a super old and awful sounding grand piano, but still a grand (baby?) and I was happy =) I played Nunan Neomu Yeppo (Replay) for a homeless lady <3
-----------------
Sunday was painful.
Sunday evening was absolute torture.
-----------------
I played a grand piano on Friday. At UC Berkeley. It was a super old and awful sounding grand piano, but still a grand (baby?) and I was happy =) I played Nunan Neomu Yeppo (Replay) for a homeless lady <3
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