Life is coming to a balance

Thank you Heavenly Father for this new-found peace :)
Every single day I'm afraid it will be taken away from me again, but I try to be brave. I try to push the doubts away, and take strength from all my blessings and the love from my friends, family and community. And the past few weeks have been a dream. Who am I to be so lucky? I've been touched by Your true love and I can hardly contain myself.

One part of life still hurts, and I can't expect it to get better, ever... I think... I'm just setting myself up for the most painful, bone crushing disappointing heartbreak I will ever experience, but I can't help it. I want to let go but at the same time, I'd rather die than do so.

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I have the most amazing friends at school! I love them, I love them! Along with my fellow BCs in CARP, I have Japanese and Korean friends that have accepted me and I am so happy with them I can't even express it. I have older brothers and sisters who notice when I'm down and cheer me up. And through these friendships, I'm learning to let loose my hold on my family and being afraid to step outside the house. I feel like I'm really growing up and gaining more confidence, something I've lacked all my life.

Tried playing sports for the first time in years since I got sick, and omg I could RUN run. Run full out. It felt so, good, playing frisbee with my friends at school, even though it was cold we were warm with happiness. Frisbee! He loves playing frisbee.

And even at home, things are not as bad as before! I'm on good terms with everyone, and played music with my sister and father last night again. I'm practicing a new song on piano for someone, and practicing lots of guitar and violin too! I have to practice violin more. More. Open mic night was... really like a dream--unbelievable. I've always, always wanted to hear that song again, live. And then, it happened.

That shouldn't be what I think about most, it should not it should not it's just getting worse with time. But BOF's "Because I'm Stupid" lyrics are very relevant all of a sudden. Or not so suddenly.

너의 뒷모습을 보는것도 난 행복이야
아직 나의 마음을 몰라도
끝내 스치듯이 가도