Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Not good.

I. Hate. applyists.net.
What's their problem.
No matter what I do I can't fix their problem.
My school is not on their list. So I click "NOT ON LIST."
"Add school information."
Blah blah blah, I add all my information!!!!
SAVE AND CONTINUE.
IT DOES NOT SAVE AND CONTINUE.
"Contact us" with a question.
I fill out the whole form, tell them the problem, then submit.
IT DOES NOT SUBMIT.
I WANT TO SCREAM AND SMASH THE COMPUTER. NO, I WANT TO HACK INTO THEIR SITE AND SCREW UP THEIR INFORMATION, CAUSING THOUSANDS OF STUDENTS TO LOSE THEIR OPPORTUNITY AT SCHOLARSHIPS. I WROTE THE WHOLE ESSAY, FILLED THE WHOLE FORM, ALREADY SUFFERING FROM GUILT THAT I'LL HAVE TO ASK SOMEONE TO WRITE A STUPID LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION, AND NOW IT DOESN'T EVEN SUBMIT. I DON'T EVEN WANNA GO TO COLLEGE!!! I'D BE HAPPY WITH COMMUNITY COLLEGE, I'M ONLY TRYING BECAUSE GOD TOLD ME TO BECOME A JAPANESE INTERPRETER SO I'M GOING TO A 4 YEAR COLLEGE SO I CAN STUDY ABROAD ASAP AND I DONT HAVE A JOB I NEED SCHOLARSHIPS BECAUSE I DON'T WANT MY DAD TO PAY FOR ME, AND I CAN'T EVEN APPLY FOR SCHOLARSHIPS BECAUSE OF A STUPID WEBSITE AND IF IT TURNS OUT THAT IT WAS JUST SOME TINY STUPID LITTLE PROBLEM, I REALLY AM GONNA SMASH THE COMPUTER JUST BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HACK WEBSITES.

I hate stress. And money issues. And thoughts of college.
I'm only going trying to go to college because God told me. And because I personally wouldn't want my spouse to not be aiming for higher education and goals. But I'd be pretty, not completely, satisfied with just being a wife and mom. Why waste 16,000$ on an education I won't use, if I just become that: a wife and mom. I don't want to be an old mom. But I don't want to be an old interpreter. So what am I supposed to do?

Go outside, lie on the roof and listen to music all afternoon.

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