So Hard.

Five and a half days without throwing up, thrown out the window one hour ago.

No, not thrown out. I will keep increasing this period of time until it's NEVER. I am learning so much about myself, with my therapist and just thinking so much. I exercised so much this week to lose weight, and I've been severely disappointed no matter how hard I try, and I think because I restricted my food too much, I began to crave more and couldn't take it. I'm SO lucky and grateful I'm not completely out of control, and I ate too much FRUIT instead of junk food. But I don't know how long I can be good. I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying.

I read somewhere a long time ago, that a fast/strict diet is toughest on the 6th day. I can definitely attest to this. Today is my 5th day though. Gosh darns it all. My throat hurts. Please God, be with me? I'm so scared. I still miss him. But I'm putting You at my center, You at my center God. Please help me, please.